Desperately Seeking Saturday

And I Just Can't Seem To Get Enough Of You!

2011-12-15T06:28:00.000-08:00

Stay tuned for subsequent commentary and analysis.

2011-12-08T06:09:00.000-08:00

Thank You St. Petersburg Times!

2011-12-03T02:11:00.000-08:00

I was reading a post about Pam Courson on Musings & Inspiration and it said that some broad named Mary Werbelow was his one true love. (She can't have been all that special if I'm just know finding out about her!) I google her and this article comes up on the St Petersburg (Florida) Times website. It sounds mostly made up, much like Oliver Stone's The Doors. Roughly 60% of the way through, it says "Jim was the 'King of Orgasmic Rock,' the brooding heartthrob staring from the covers of Rolling Stone and Life." You and I are obviously both familiar with his 2 or 3 appearances on the Rolling Stone magazine covers but Life? Judging by what I've seen on Google, he was never on the cover of Life magazine; maybe that's why they put it second.

While he wasn't on any covers, I did find (3) pictures of him inside the June 28th 1968 issue, on pages 56 & 57.

I don't know why he's in a closet with a tv. I don't think it's a metaphor either. I wish it wasn't so grainy.

Here's what it says (in one big block of text that I separated into paragraphs to make it easier to read):

In a corridor, where the light struggles to get in and the darkness pushes to
get out, there is a seance. It is sunset, the world empty and mellow. Doors open
and close to everywhere and nowhere. Behind there are passageways: a moonlit
drive to the edge of the night, a swim to the moon, a walk down streets of
all-night movies.
Sharing an emptiness with the clothesless hangers is Jim Morrison, alone with a tv and a mind full of images. "TV is both beautiful and malignant, restricting reality to a small gray tube - we are spectators - metamorphosized into from a mad body dancing on the hillside to a pair of eyes staring in the dark."
The sound of The Doors is primitive and mystical, the erotic rushes of the organ, the pirouetting of the guitar, the compulsive hide-and-seek of the drums, the dark green lyrics. The music has no meaning, just mood. "Rather than start from the inside," says Morrison, "I start on the outside and reach the mental through the physical." He seeks an unlicensed freedom "to try everything," his mind playing host to angels and devils.
He tries to share a catharsis with his audience, "Today is the age of the heroes, who live for us and through whom we experience the heights and depths of emotion. The spectator is a dying animal and the purgation of emotion is left up to the actor, not the audience."
He suddenly quotes William Blake; "If the doors of perception were cleansed, man would see things as they are, infinite." Then he adds, "We are The Doors, because you go into a strange town, you check into a hotel. Then after you've played your gig, you go back to your room down an endless corridor lined with doors until you get to your own. But when you open the door, you find people inside and you wonder: 'Am I in the wrong room or is this some kind of party?'"

And btw . . .

Beyonce Is A Lying Liar Who Lies!

2011-05-23T22:54:00.000-07:00

Where's Chris Hansen When You Need Him?

2011-04-23T03:56:00.000-07:00

"Young Actresses for the Remake of Lolita" isn't a list of who Hollywood execs are considering for an actual movie role. It's a list some random guy made of young girls that he and other chimos are not-so-secretly lusting after.

On a similar note, is it bad that I've considered half these girls for PJ if Abigail Breslin isn't available? Is it bad that Abigail herself is on this list? Definitely . . . maybe.

BTW, "Lolita Ya-Ya" started playing while I was adding tags.

"Sweet Lolita" by Strawberry Koi

2011-04-19T03:32:00.000-07:00

Sweet Lolita (Idk why she waited so long. The remake is the one that's sad.)

OH SHIT!

2011-04-13T23:23:00.000-07:00

"Romeo & Juliet" starring Hailee Steinfeld!

Rolling Stone Is A Mind Reader

2010-12-10T04:38:00.000-08:00

Full Disclosure Spoiler Alert! This contains top secret PJ information and a really gross picture of Anna Paquin & friends!

From the very beginning or sometime extremely close to it, I've had the opening scene of Personal Jesus planned as Female Lead reading issue of Rolling Stone (or Tumbling Rock for copyright purposes) magazine with Male Lead on the cover with the coverline/byline/whatever it's called say "He's hot, He's sexy, He's alive . . . for now" as foreshadowing and a silly reference to this:

Sidenote: That is possibly the worst picture of him (or anyone normally hot) that I have ever seen.

Then, either yesterday or the day before that, I found this . . .

. . . while looking for another picture of him, which I never found btw. That's Male Lead! In all his slinky, shirtless, stereotypical rock star glory that I've been dreaming of for the past year and a half.

Sidenote: 1) Mama oddly like! 2) I totes would have bought this when it came out if I'd known that it existed! 3) Did he finally get a real tattoo??? It's about damn time!

Then today, while checking for date conformation of the above photo, I googled "June 2010 Rolling Stone". Image results included said photo and this little LaChapelle-ian shocker:

Sidenote: Ew! Ew! Ew! OMFG for so many reasons! And in case you were wondering, Matthew Rolston took the pics. I'm unfamiliar with his work and this is probably why.

They stole my concept! My cover boy and my concept! At least they were on seperate covers . . .

Update: The June 2010 issue is now in my posession! The place where my mom sees her therapist had some back issues of Rolling Stone so I thought I'd try my luck. Lo & behold, there it was, with the lower left corner (where the address label goes) ripped off. Other than that, it's in good condition and the article is as exciting and wacky as expected.

I Should Be Ashamed

2010-12-08T01:25:00.001-08:00

This is the man that I have said that I "love" more than I've ever "loved" anyone* before.

These are the types of things that he says.

"If you ejaculate onto yourself, there’s that beautiful, transcendent, orgasmic moment of relief, then you walk to the bathroom, clean up and you catch yourself in the mirror and it’s like, ‘I don’t know what you’re looking at! Kings have done that!’”

Sidenote: HATE him clean shaven! Face and body!

*Anyone = any male celeb that I've had an all consuming crush on, excluding Jim Morrison and other dead people

The Mystery Of Abigail Breslin!

2010-12-04T02:47:00.000-08:00

Being the absolute pervette that I am, I've been searching for Miley Cyrus' crotch shot that was posted on Twitter. A Google link sent me to Perez Hilton's official Twitter page. Next to the post in question (w/broken photo link) were tiny pics of everyone he follows and casually skimming through it, I saw "ChloeGMoretz". I'll discuss the thing about her on another post maybe; this one's about Abigail! Not only is the account verified but she replied to a tweet from Emma Roberts' verified account. Again I'll discuss the thing about her on another post maybe; this one's about Abigail! So I thought "if they have official Twitter accounts, does Abigail Breslin?" It seems that she does BUT it's not verified! I have no idea if it's actually her or not. (Her brother Spencer has one but it's not verified either.)

I have reason to believe it's real:
1) The pic looks totes legit. See first sidenote for picture commentary.

2) She has corresponded with verified @TheMandyMoore
3) She's followed by @RottenTomatoes
Yeah, that's pretty much all I've got so far . . .

Sidenote: Ohemgee! Look at her, all hippie chic & what not! Love the tacky red sunglasses and purple boho blouse, Josie Carpenter!!!

Judging from that photo and the fact that her alledged Twitter account states her love of Twilight(!), she's more than ready to play the character I've so lovingly created for her.

Sidenote: Ohemgee! I hope she really does love Twilight! That's be so awesome in so many ways!

Update: It's verified! I'm stunned! It's not awesome. The stuff she says is sooo stupid. She loves Bieber for Christ's sake!!! My love is definitely waning.

Discovery: The Cult Of Dionysus!

2010-11-08T23:43:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I heard you say your lust for life has gone away. It got me thinking, I think I feel a similar way and that's sad.

So let's make a decision, start a new religion. Yeah, we're gonna build a temple to our love. Orgiastic dances, nymphs in trances. Yeah, we'll be the envy of the gods above.

I'm feeling devious. You're looking glamorous. Let's get mischievous and polyamorous. Wine and women and wonderful vices. Welcome to the cult of Dionysus!

We could take a Holiday in the month of May. Run free and play in fields of flowers. Pass the hours making love is how we'll pray.

Or start a secret society for the wild and free. Our ideology is "You can do what you want. Too much is never enough." We are the life, we are the light. We are the envy of the gods above.

Run, run, run away. Just take my hand and we'll abandon this world. We'll wash those tears away. You're young and beautiful and I'll love you always. We got no time for pain, when it's just you and me in ecstasy.

What is with the world today? The wicked games that people play. The wars, the greed, they waste away. Yeah, it's sad.

So let's spread the word across the land. Yeah, one by one. Baby, hand in hand. We got a mission of hope, we got a message of love. Soon everybody, everywhere will be the envy of the gods above.

Day Of The (I-Wish-I-Was) Dead

2010-11-01T02:49:00.000-07:00

Around this time, the beginning of the holiday season, is usually when the slump starts. Not that my entire life isn't a slump of itself, but November, December and occasionally October are hit the hardest. (This isn't "wah-wah-wah poor me" as much as it is "try to understand how my mind works.")

It's when you're supposed to have parties and gatherings but I have no one to invite. It's when you're supposed to shop till you drop but I have no money. It's when I realize the year is almost over and that I've achieved nothing. It's when I have my birthday and I wish I would have died at twelve.

The worst part is the stark contrast of how I feel about this time of year compared to how I used to feel about it. As a very young & relatively carefree child, these months were a ball. Halloween was of course wonderful; dressing up as a Disney princess and asking San Franciscan shopkeepers for free candy. November was alright; eating leftover candy and thinking up what I wanted Santa to bring me. December was a blur of delight; decorating, shopping, baking and all kinds of stuff that's fun when you're a kid but becomes a chore when you're an adult. Not that I consider myself to be an adult.

To be really perfectly honest, I can't remember ever truly enjoying my birthday like I should have. Prior to about thirteen, I didn't see it as a burden, just as not all that much fun. Maybe because it's too close to Christmas or maybe because I've always been barmy. Thirteen till now has for the most part been a secession of disappointments.

After you're too old to go trick or treating, Halloween isn't really fun. (That one Halloween where I was 100% convinced that I was going to be murdered kind of ruined the holiday for me. I was eight. Four years later, the feeling would have been appreciated.) Once you're expected to help cook something instead of just eat, Thanksgiving is pretty boring.

After you've found out there's no Santa Claus, Christmas is not as fun but still pretty good. Once you're expected to buy gifts for people instead of just picking things out for them, Christmas is even less fun. When you're parents get divorced and you don't have separate celebrations with each of them, Christmas gets kind of crappy. When your family is broke and your cunty grandma is living with your sister, Christmas is absolute shit.

After your twenty-first birthday, there's really nothing to look forward to, age-wise. I'm not even looking forward to twenty-one right now. The big deal birthdays of 16 & 18 were not a big deal to me and this isn't either. It's just a reminder that my suicide attempts were exactly that: ATTEMPTS. Attempts that I failed like everything else I've attempted to do with my life.

Hell Is Writing Without You

2010-10-28T03:30:00.000-07:00

It's been a bit over a year that I've not had the original laptop that I began PJ with back in June of '09. There might be a very slim chance that what was on there can be retrieved. Though it feels impossible, having those scenes, notes and photos again is one of my most ambitious dreams.

I probably wrote more between the start of June and the end of October during last year than I have between last October and this October. It was all fresh and exciting then, even if I didn't know exactly what I was doing or what I was getting myself into. The emotion of the scenes and dialogue flowed freely. I was a virtual Niagara Falls of inspiration and enthusiam.

I dearly miss those days.

Related Post: Bonjour Devastation!

"Teenage Death Girls want my dick, not my words"

2010-10-28T01:57:00.000-07:00

I (unfortunately) find Russell Brand physically attractive, although what really truly reels me in, time and time again, is his mind. Of course the accent always helps too.

1 - Oh, to be next to him on that couch, feeling his warm charismatic presence and running my fingers through his long, dark, beastly mane as he reads his bizarre thoughts to me, saying so much about so little.
2 - It impresses me that he has gone to these places that I would like to go to.
3 - This small bit is so brill that I feel absolutely compelled to read the book.
4 - It's obvious that this comes from someone who used to be sad, fat and full of drugs. People who are happy, skinny and sober never think of such shallow things at such a deep level.

Sidenote: I usually know all about what movies or tv shows someone was in or on while I have no idea what they're actually like in real life, but that's never been the case with Russell. I know more about him on a personal level than any other long term crush I've previously suffered from, while I know very little concrete facts about his career.

I Thought MY Posts Were Idiotic!

2010-10-25T01:37:00.000-07:00

I just finished watching "Casino Royale" and had to google Barbara Bouchet. While on that search, I came across one blog which recommend another blog that had many guest posts. One of them in particular was exceedingly unworthy of being read. It was this one. Did you see it? Okay.

Really?!?!? Some one asks you to post something on their blog and that's what you put?!? You ask someone to post something on your blog and that's what you allow them to put?!? Like the title says, I thought my posts were idiotic but that one really takes the stupid cake. Sure it's nicely written for a slow-moving novel or something but not as blog post! That's what I hate about the internet: anyone who knows how to type can say whatever vapid crap they want. What I hate even more is that people are reading that crap instead of mine.

The worst part is "Here kitty, kitty. dearest. spiral. juxtapose. rapid. brat. carnival. edge. lift." What the fuck does that mean?

That post received 44 comments and I bet you five bucks that this won't get more than two.

So 5 Years Ago!

2010-10-21T03:06:00.000-07:00

I was 15 years old and a sophomore in high school. While not at school, I was either baking cookies, posting bulletins on myspace or making out with girls. Those were sort of the days. Certainly not the greatest but a helluva lot better than now.

Back when I listened to new music and watched MTV, this song was my jam. I lived on MCR for about 5 or 6 months. At the time Gerard Way, Sonny Moore and those twins from Good Charlotte were absolutely my type; all eyeshadowy and pale. Luxure paon in its earliest stages. (I liked Pete Wentz too but he's not pale.)

Even watching it now, I still love the song and think he's totally cute. I love how theatrical it is with the dancers and his overdone lip-synching. It gives me a warm fuzzy feeling of the past when I still thought I had a chance of being succesful at life.

Related Posts: Boner Jams '05 & Albums I Can't Live Without

ROFLMAO: Garbage Day!

2010-10-18T19:33:00.000-07:00

King Of Cats

2010-10-14T01:09:00.000-07:00

Such as Travis Bickle reaches out from his loneliness to help sweet Iris, I try to reach out to any blog/website/person that enjoyed Beni & The Minks as thoroughly as I did. (I might not be anyone and they might not be anyone but together we can make the front page.) While searching for a surrogate Iris, I came upon this, which showed me this and finally led me here. I devour any book or movie about rock stars, particularly English ones, so this has major potential for being my next obsession.

Downhill With Sweetness

2010-10-13T23:59:00.000-07:00

"Fogi is a Bastard" is one of those small films that often gets overlooked and that is too bad because it has a lot to say. It is deceptively simple and filled with a quiet, intelligent emotional reverberation.

"Fogi" begins at the end, with tragedy. Its focus is an intimate look at first sex and first love. It is dark and sexy and it disturbs. We see love as abusive, warped and betrayed yet the film has a sense of purity to it. It reflects unredemptive reality and shows love having the ability to give sense to an existence which has no meaning.

"Fogi" documents a well traveled "road to perdition". Set in Switzerland in the 1970's, it could happen anywhere, anytime. Two young actors play the leads and do so with aplomb. Basically the story is simple. Beni (Vincent Branchet) is fifteen and he falls in love with Fogi (Frederic Andrau), a singer in a rock band. Fogi seduces him and Beni is willing to go anywhere and do anything that Fogi wants. However, Fogi is a drug addict and he pulls Beni deeper and deeper into drug addiction.

The relationship of the two boys is a role-playing exercise. Beni's infatuation makes sense because Fogi is a rock star and as the relationship deepens the role-playing becomes sexual. Beni becomes a slave to his master and we watch his emotional degradation. Eventually Fogi gets Beni hooked on drugs and everything begins to spiral out of control and Beni is so in love that he doesn't realize what is happening. The end, of course, is tragic and when Fogi loses his life to drugs Beni believes that he did not do enough for Fogi in order to save him.

The film pushes the edge of what is permissible and it all goes downhill with a kind of sweetness. It is poignant and has so much to show about the nature of love when mixed with drugs.

{from here, by Amos Lassen}

Sidenote: Oh, That My Film Could Be So Poignant! Things like this affirm that I do, in fact, have good taste in movies and that a fucked up tale such as mine might actually receive praise.

"Women Cry For It, Men Die For It!"

2010-10-12T18:46:00.000-07:00

Every minute that Aldous Snow was on screen in "Forgetting Sarah Marshall" I was absolutely riveted. I couldn't take my eyes off him. It was exciting, HE was exciting. Not entirely because I was on the cusp of infatuation or because it was a new character. Not because it was inspiring me to write and certainly not because of how the movie was written.

I feel that it was some sort of strange & mystical aura type of thing that under most circumstances I would label "bullshit." A type of internal thing that shines from their soul, through the camera and into the audience. I, of course, am the audience. It's a little tinge of what I feel for Mr. Mojo Risin.

Every sound bite, video clip or still image of Jim Morrison demands, and immediately receives, all & any of my undying attention. It's an electric response that happens more easily than flicking on a light switch. Whatever representation of him that I experience, whether it screams or merely makes a suggestion, it's saying sex. "Five To One" makes a deafening roar while "Riders On The Storm" has more of a whisper.

That's what Russell has the tendency to make me feel/see/hear. Certain moments of his stand-up act and each of his moments in "FSM" elicit that reaction from me. Words, movement or any other way he expresses himself, reads as one single thing. It all comes across as sex. Sex that he lives for. Sex that I've never had. Sex that I could (metaphorically) be having with him.

This is the number one reason why I didn't particularly enjoy "Get Him To The Greek": he lacked the quality of electric sex.

After Months of Waiting

2010-10-12T02:01:00.000-07:00

I just watched "Get Him To The Greek" online. My reaction is very mixed. Let me count the ways:

1) The first 20 minutes felt like 5. It's pretty fast paced so I never felt like I was waiting for it to be over. (Plus!)
2) It's more about Aaron Green than Aldous Snow. (Minus!)
3) Most of the songs, by Infant Sorrow or otherwise, were actually quite good. I LOVED "The Clap" and they even managed to slip in a taste of "20th Century Boy". (Plus!)
4) Russell is basically playing himself and I have to admit that he's not too great at it. (Minus!)
5) P. Diddy, Puff Daddy, Sean Combs, whatever he wants to be called was way funnier than I ever expected/thought/imagined he would be. (Plus!)
6) Clearly a vehicle for both Russell Brand and Jonah Hill, it felt sort of thrown together, like a modern day Esther Williams movie. (Minus!)
7) Even with the rock star stereotype, it didn't have very much in common with PJ. (Plus!)
8) Anyone like Elisabeth Moss would never go out with anyone like Jonah Hill IRL. I had a very hard time believing that they were a couple. (Minus!)

Basically mindless fun that did not encourage nor discourage me from finishing my own rock star escapade. It wasn't bad but my overall recommendation is not to see it, unless you really have your heart set on it.

Discovery: Paul Schrader, between the lines

2010-10-06T00:04:00.000-07:00

"TRAVIS BICKLE, age 26, lean, hard, the consummate loner. On the surface he appears good-looking, even handsome; he has a quiet steady look and a disarming smile which flashes from nowhere, lighting up his whole face. But behind that smile, around his dark eyes, in his gaunt cheeks, one can see the ominous stains caused by a life of private fear, emptiness and loneliness. He seems to have wandered in from a land where it is always cold, a country where the inhabitants seldom speak. The head moves, the expression changes, but the eyes remain ever-fixed, unblinking, piercing empty space.

Travis is now drifting in and out of the New York City night life, a dark shadow among darker shadows. Not noticed, no reason to be noticed, Travis is one with his
surroundings. He wears rider jeans, cowboy boots, a plaid western shirt and a worn beige Army jacket with a patch reading, 'King Kong Company 1968-70'.

He has the smell of sex about him: Sick sex, repressed sex, lonely sex, but sex nonetheless. He is a raw male force, driving forward; toward what, one cannot tell. Then one looks closer and sees the inevitable. The clock sprig cannot be wound continually tighter. As the earth moves toward the sun, Travis Bickle moves toward violence."

With my lack of experience, I wouldn't dare write a description this long, but OMG! Isn't it amazing?!?! Not only do I see everything perfectly in my mind but I'm completely and utterly "hooked." With a beginning like that, there's a guarantee of me reading at least 5 more pages, no matter what happens next. You know what else? He sounds totally hot. (I have an obvious predilection for weirdies.) I've seen the movie and I know he's very attractive in it, it's just that the striking way this was written really reinforces what I already felt, or in this case saw.

Sidenote: I love that in the screenplay it says that Iris is "14, 15" years old but in the movie Sport says that she's "12 and a half." Most anything I've come across like this has her original age as 12 but they push to 14 or 15 to make it more acceptable.

BTW, this is sooo awesome!

Source: http://www.imsdb.com/scripts/Taxi-Driver.html

I Thought MY Writing Was Bad!

2010-10-04T13:34:00.000-07:00

I was on Amazon and there was a thread post (in the teen section) about a free digi-book for kindles. The title was "Arousing Love." Now you know me and how weird I am but I really don't think that sounds like it should be targeted towards teenagers. If it's something for adults and they're sneaky about it, that's ok; I'm fine with that.

So I read the description and it said something along the lines of "Joanna is much too young for Zach and yada yada yada, she's a Christian." Sounds like my kind of story, right? Even sounds a bit like the story I'm writing now. After seeing that my mind was made up. I had to read it, or at the very least know more about it. Google led me to Scribd.com, which was disappointing in the past. They say they have the complete novel so I give them another chance.

All of the following is from the first two chapters/27 pages, whatever unit you prefer.

1) I don't know how old the author is but it reminds me of something I would have written when I was 10 or 11. I know I probably would have enjoyed it a lot more if I had read it then. The writing style is very amateur, Not the spelling or grammar, but the way the sentences are put together and how unimaginative & flimsy the descriptions are.
2) Here's the spoiler: The age difference is sooo small (I was gonna say minor.) He is 18 and she is 15. Three years? Big fucking deal! I'd like to see if the characters could handle a 14 year age gap, or how the writer would work with the circumstances of the story I've created.
3) I know it's a female author not because of the pen name but because of how it's written. I can tell that she's making a lot of assumptions about being a boy in his late teens, rather than actually getting into, feeling and becoming the character as she's writing. I don't see any signs of research.
4) It's written from "Zach's" POV and not for a second do I believe that any 18-year-old boy (with the exception of a Michael Cera character, a homeschooled spotty geek or a 500 pound shut in) thinks like this or lives his life in the way that the author wants me to believe he does. Again, I don't see any signs of research.
5) Within the first ten pages, there's a lot going on but I don't really know anything about the characters besides their ages and that he finds her very attractive.
6) She's blond, with blue eyes & tan smooth skin. The details of her alleged beauty are so generic, vague and uninspired that he could be talking about almost anyone. (Not to mention a very tired cliche of "pretty" is.) I'd rather have no physical description at all!
7) When it comes to books, I guess I'm a bit jaded now. Reading something as expertly-crafted and taboo as "Lolita" makes most anything else seem like "Curious George."
8) Not really the author's fault but it's still an issue: I find that any story where the girl does all the chasing is to be quite unappealing to me. Partially because I feel like a lot of girls are so driven to get a guy that they ignore his indifference and other telltale signs that he's not worth pursuing, which more often leads to some various degree of heartbreak rather than him finally coming around.
9) All too common in this genre: falling in love because someone winked at you. That hasn't really happened in this (yet) but it seems like that all that it takes. It's the same thing with Twilight. None of the characters can discern between love, lust and a run-of-the-mill warm, cuddly feeling. Plus I'm afraid that in order for this to be 'the romantic saga about life changing decisions' that it's dressed up as, the author is eventually going to try to make me believe that their love is "real" and that their relationship is "special." Good luck with that one!
10) They kiss after they've known each other for maybe 24 hours max. With the lack of exposition and this undeserved kiss, I'm starting to feel like I'm reading the the middle of a book rather than the beginning.
11) She's such a cock tease, it's not even funny. I know that God, Jesus and Tammy Faye would all strongly disapprove of her very unChristian, slut-like behavior.
12) They've known each other two and a half days and not only has he seen her naked twice but they just told each other "I love you"!
13) Worst of all, WHY AM I STILL READING THIS?

It's hard to properly convey just how terrible it is by only telling you. You really have to see if for yourself.

This (Literally) Used To Be My Playground

2010-10-04T07:08:00.000-07:00

Listen to this song while you look at the pictures. (The video is unimportant)

This is Mountain Lake Park, in San Francisco. From ages 2 to 8, I lived about a block away from it and obviously spent a lot of time there. This is where I've had picnics, met friends, attempted to play tennis.

This is why they always say "don't look back."

Special thanks to Google Earth & RosencruzSumara for the photos.

In Defense of The Jonas Brothers

2010-09-24T10:49:00.000-07:00

(or Why I Don't Have A Problem With The Jonas Brothers But I Hate Justin Bieber)

Not that I love them or anything, but I'd pick them over a lot of other bullshit that's out today for the following reasons.

#1. They Look Like Dudes because they are. Bieber looks like a 12-year-old lesbian. While I'm at it, although none of them are actually attractive, at least they're not as unfortunate looking as Hanson.

#2. I Kinda Feel Sorry For Them They were super famous and it was Jonas this and Jonas that. Then this little douche came along and it's like they fell of the side of the Earth. Now it's like Jonas who?

#3. This Video It's a pretty big factor in my decision. Plus this came out way before that one episode of 'Glee'

Sidenote: all I had to type into the search bar on YouTube was "joe" and the fifth or sixth suggestion was "joe jonas single ladies".

#4. (I Think) They Can Take A Joke When Russell Brand made fun of their purity rings at the 2008 VMAs, they didn't get all butt hurt over it. Maybe they did & I just never heard about it but I know that a lot of celebs would have declared a Twitter war or started some petty little feuds over it. (If you find this to be untrue, then I'll gladly take this item off the list.)

#5. Their Purity Rings You're probably thinking "that's what's so lame about them!" No, it's not lame as much as it is just dorky. I don't want to sound like one of the moms on 'Wife Swap' but I think that it sets a really good example for all the dumb little tweeners that treat Disney channel like a religion with its stars as their saints. Teenagers are pretty slutty nowadays and hopefully some girls or gay boys have decided to follow in their footsteps and keep it their pants. Also if they won't counteract Miley's whorish behavior, then who will?

#6. They Never Did A Song Featuring Ludacris! Enough said.

You make me sick!!!

2010-08-30T03:49:00.000-07:00

Eugene Delgaudio is one of the world's hugest douchebags. You think I hate Katy Perry? She's my BFF compared to this fucking clown!

I was on some news website and there was this ad that said "Do you support Obama's homosexual agenda?" My first thought was "Ha! I WISH he had a homosexual agenda!" and I thought it was funny so I clicked on it.

I was brought to this page here.
I begrudgingly said yes to all of them to prove my point but I think instead I fed into their disgusting tyrannical scheme of blind hatred and stupidity. Then I saw sent to this page. Get a barf bag ready before you read it.

Now write to this scumbag and tell him just how goddamn ignorant he is:
Eugene Delgaudio
Republican For Supervisor - Sterling District
P.O. Box 1222
Sterling, Virginia 20167
or
eugene@joineugene.com

"Personal Jesus" has it's own Facebook page!

2010-08-27T10:50:00.000-07:00

I just signed up today & thought it would be a good idea to gauge interest in it.

No One & Saturday

2010-07-25T00:24:00.000-07:00

My slightly angry rant about Julie & Julia: just prepare yourself because this is going to be long ramble. (Is that why my own blog is so unpopular? Maybe.)

For the average viewer, this movie was probably encouraging and uplifting, making them think that anything is possible. But not for me. If it made me feel anything, that emotion can only honestly be called "discouraged." Oh, that I'd seen this a year ago when it first came out in theaters . . .

The actual plot has little to do with my complaints but really quickly, just so we're on the same page: The Julie half is about this boring women with an ordinary boring life and depressing job who blogs about her attempts at making recipes from a famous cook book; the Julia half is about the wacky women who made the recipes and wrote the cook book. The best way to describe it is "cute". Not good, not bad. The movie is just cute.

"If it's just cute then why are you writing about it? How does cuteness discourage you?" It's not the standard type of movie that compells me to give up like Janie Jones. It makes me reflect more on the abyss that is my life rather than on the blantant unoriginality that is my still unfinished screenplay. It left me with a lot of questions about myself and my blog's lack of readers.

I've been both diligently and sporadically writing this blog for a year and as of right now I have one subscriber and two, maybe three comments. Why isn't anybody reading this? Is my writing really that bad? Am I really that uninteresting? Should I start writing about food? Wasn't there a lot less competition in the so-called blogosphere eight years ago? Ugh! Is it because she wrote a book!?! I need to write a book, dammit!

Sidenote: One small yet major issue is their use of "writer." A writer is not someone who's writing is published. That's an author. A writer is someone who writes. She was a writer the entire time. A lot of people are. It's not uncommon.

39 Years Ago, Today

2010-07-03T13:41:00.000-07:00

Entertainment Weekly Is A Life Ruiner

2010-06-10T18:27:00.000-07:00

Remember that tattoo I've been wanting for the past two or three years? The Smurfette one on my left ankle? Half of me is so GD relieved that I never got it and the other half is so GD pissed off that I'm never going to get it. You know why? Beacuse katy Fucking perry is doing the voice for Smurfette in the Smurfs movie coming out next year. COCK SUCKER MOTHER FUCKER!

First, she releases that dreadful song, then she steals my man, and NOW THIS!

Something's Coming! Something Good!

2010-06-05T19:12:00.000-07:00

I don't know what it is, but it is gonna be great!

I justed started watching "F. est un salaud", or as Netflix calls it "Fogi Is A Bastard." You probably don't know what it's about so I'll give you the lowdown.

Netflix says: Looking for adventure, 15-year-old Beni (Vincent Branchet) becomes a roadie for a popular rock band and promptly falls in love with the group's charismatic lead singer, Fogi (Frederic Andrau). Problems arise when Fogi takes advantage of Beni's affections and ushers him into a downward spiral of drug addiction, sex and drunken excess. Based on the novel by Martin Frank.

Sound familiar at all? Maybe. This could be another one of those huge inspirations for me. I'm pretty excited about it.

Sidenote: At the 15 minute mark, they're having sex. Needless to say, it's sooo hot!

Update: I watched the whole thing and it was indeed quite wonderful.

Russell Brand's Five Favorite Films!

2010-06-05T13:34:00.000-07:00

I've been waiting for this moment for literally months and it's finally here.

#5. The Elephant Man (1980) I knew it! I knew he loved this because he talks about it so much and does a great impression of the character.

#4. One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest (1975) He talks about this one a lot in his book & obviously identifies with it. Everyone has said that it's great but Jack Nicholson bugs the fuck outta me, even though I really love "The Shining" and "Carnal Knowledge" was pretty good.

#3. Life Of Brian (1979) I knew it! Immediately before I sat down to watch this, I thought to myself "I wonder how many of the five will be Monty Python movies? He probably loves 'Life Of Brian' " He's very intelligent where religion & spirituality are concerned & he thinks himself to be much like Jesus *cough cough GG Allin* so this pick was pretty inevitable.

#2. Garage Girls (1982) Obviously I've never heard of this but I'm now determined to see it. Of all the porno movies that he could have picked, I really really wish he would have chosen a) one with Traci Lords in it or b) one that I've at least heard of before.

#1. The Matrix (1999) Predictable for a man but not necessarily this man. Because of his seemingly infinite wisdom, it's safe to assume that he enjoys this on a more psychological level rather than most people liking the action of it & the trippy way he dodges bullets.

To Russell, On His 35th Birthday (Je T'Aime Tant)

2010-06-04T00:00:00.000-07:00

I dedicate these four songs to one Mr. Russell Edward Brand:

Touch Me - The Doors
Love Slave - Screamin' Sirens
Sleep With You - Clare Quilty
I Never Loved A Man - Aretha Franklin

LMFAO: This Is News?

2010-06-01T14:51:00.000-07:00

This is such utter bullshit that I shouldn't let it take up any of my time or especially take up space on my blog but I am. It's so ridiculous, I have to post it.

The only know photo of JFK & Marilyn together was "revealed" at some gallery in LA. Until now it's been confidential. This is supposed to be news, this is supposed to be surprising somehow. This picture that they're talking about is the same exact picture that I've already seen about five years ago, at the least. Confidential, my fat fucking ass! This "news" is not new at all.

Three things:
#1. It's her birthday and this is what you decide to talk about? Pffff!
#2. This proves how desperate people are to make money off her by conjuring up the lamest crap imaginable.
#3. This further proves that the whole JFK/Marilyn thing is basically propoganda and possibly the epitome of lame crap that money is made from. Shame on those who tell the lie & pity on those who believe it.

Yes I Still Love You, When You're 84

2010-06-01T00:00:00.000-07:00

Just Imagine It

2010-05-30T02:00:00.001-07:00

It's Stanley Kubrick meets Judd Apatow. It's part Twilight, part Almost Famous. It's your new favorite romcom. It's the best film you've never seen. It's an idea, it's beautiful & it's mine.

Forget about Ryan Reynolds and put Russell Brand in his place. Change her hair color from mousy brown to strawberry blond. He's totally wasted, it's December 25th, 2010 and they're listening to this song:

Now close your eyes, make a wish and count to three. Can you see it? Don't you love it?

ROFLMFAO: I'm practicing my Told-You-So Dance

2010-05-29T21:27:00.000-07:00

Okay, so maybe I talk about him too much but you can eat my fuck because there's no gun to your head making you read this.

Entertainment Weekly magazine - June 4/11, 2010 - pg. 118 - bottom left corner - "On My iPod" And I quote:

->yada yada yada other song he genuinely likes
->Kunty Pukey - California Gurls: "Yeah, I'm in this for the long term."

Were you with Teresa Palmer or Jordan Paris for the long term? Just like the long term you were in with that one Spanish bird whose name I can't remember? Or this 19-year-old (at the time) "Sarah" that you were in love with while at Keystone? Apparently not!

Celebrity Wonder website - Friday, May 21, 2010 - on this pg here - And I Quote:

The British funnyman - who is renowned for his womanizing ways - doesn't enjoy touring his comedy act as much as he used to because he can't have sex with lots of different women now he is ~~engaged to Katy Perry~~ {imprisoned by a horrible awful person}.

He is quoted by E! Online as saying: "It's not as good, because you're away from your actual girlfriend and you can't have sex with all the people out there."

The 34-year-old star {He turns 35 this Friday} joked he has started going through women's underwear drawers for sexual kicks. {Ohmigawd!}

After finding ~~happiness~~ {slight complacency} with Katy, Russell announced he
had turned his back on his promiscuous ways.

He said: "Tonight I turned off my famous, hedonistic hot-tub, a monumental event. I did it for climate change. In every sense."

How's that monogamy working out for you and your addiction to sex, hmmm? Not too well, I see!

"This Is Your Life!"

2010-05-26T18:58:00.000-07:00

Now cue the music and bring out all the people that have disappointed me.

I'm not a ginger or a dude & I've never looked up "adult hip hop classes" but this is so me.

What has my life come to? I'm so goddamn concerned with what everyone thinks of me.

I'm bored and I'm yearning for any kind of stimulation. Even a fucking knock in the head would be helpful. That or some drugs.

I need to get a fucking life. I don't have one and I choose to spend the time that I should be spending on having one, writing cutesy rants on-fucking-line and hoping secretly and pathetically that one of you will respond.

I can't find any joy or enthusiasm for anything in life. I've hit a rough spot again. I thought I was through this but nope. Once a headcase, always a headcase.

FBA: Notorious - The John Lennon Assassination

2010-05-13T16:24:00.000-07:00

I'm recording Notorious - The John Lennon Assassination on Bio right now. I watched maybe three minutes of it so far and a lot of what I have to say about it is pure speculation.

My mom said that she remembers when John Lennon was killed like it was just a few years ago. She said not because she ever liked him but because it was such a big deal, especially at the time. I instantly thought "Aw, fuck! I'm gonna remember when Michael Jackson died just like that." The demise of MJ didn't bother me (mostly because I don't care) and it's only significant enough to be a memory because of the huge deal everyone made (& is still making) about it. The just-a-matter-of-time death of Anna Nicole Smith had much more of an impact on me, to say the least.

I need to watch this to see if what Will Smith says in Six Degrees Of Seperation is true. Was Cather in The Rye really his motive? I doubt that Mark David Chapman was a spoiled whiny prep school fag. Whiny? Yes. A fag? Maybe. Spoiled & went to prep school? Seems pretty unlikely.

Am I supposed to feel sorry for John Lennon? Just because someone wrote a few awesome songs doesn't make them God. *Cough cough, GG Allin*

What did he do that his death is any more important than anyone elses? It happened thirty years ago & there's no mystery to it. There's no Grassy Knoll conspiracy theories. He wasn't a five year old girl with greedy parents. What makes this worth investigating?

Aw, The Humanity!

2010-05-07T11:22:00.000-07:00

What kind of booshit is this? And why is all the news I hear about Russell Brand always bad news? (He IS bad news!)

Russell Brand has admitted that he plans to change his image in order to attract more film roles.

The actor said that he intends to cut off his trademark long hair and adopt a smarter look, after so far starring in movies that have allowed him to retain his distinctive appearance, such as Forgetting Sarah Marshall and St. Trinian's.

However, Brand will receive a makeover for upcoming film Arthur, a remake of the 1981 Dudley Moore comedy. The comedian, who is expected to sport a short haircut for the role, noted that it is a look that may make him a more versatile actor.

He told Hello: "Normally I play people where the only thing you need to change is my name. But for this I'm going to change my hair a bit. I saw a mocked-up picture of how it would look and it didn't look good - like Natalie Portman with a beard.

"If I'm going to pursue a career in films I can't always play Rasputin. I can play him once maybe, play Che Guevara, various homeless people and then it's going to have to be a haircut."

Why would you want to get rid of all that? It's one of the many things that makes him so sexy. It sets him apart from pretty much everyone but especially from other comedians, particularly British ones. With short hair, he can't do his signature joke about it looking like mental illness. With short hair, he wouldn't be at all like an "S&M Willy Wonka" or "Worzel Gummidge going to a bondage party".

Unless of course . . . he was to get a ridiculously awesome 50's style rockabilly type "flick knife" haircut from William Seyssel, for £35 in the West End of London. Just thinking about it gives me a cliffy.

source: http://www.digitalspy.com/movies/a214433/russell-brand-plans-hollywood-makeover.html?imdb

Update: On two seperate ocassions he's said that he rufuses any role that would require his hair to be shorter. However, I just saw a interview with him on the set of Arthur and maybe two or three iches or his hair has been cut. It's still quite attractive. What's not so attractive is that his face is clean shaven. I'm not saying I wouldn't still fuck him, I'm just saying that it looks odd.

Discovery: Toadies - Possum Kingdom

2010-04-26T15:19:00.000-07:00

Make up your mind. Decide to walk with me. Around the lake tonight. Around the lake tonight. By my side. By my side.

I'm not gonna lie. I'll not be a gentleman. Behind the boathouse, I'll show you my dark secret. I'm not gonna lie. I want you for mine. My blushing bride. My lover. Be my lover, yeah.

Don't be afraid. I don't mean to scare you. So help me Jesus.

I can promise you, you will stay as beautiful with dark hair and soft skin forever. Forever. Make up your mind. Make up your mind and I promise you I will treat you well, my sweet angel. So help me Jesus.

Give it up to me. Do you wanna be my angel? So help me!

Be my angel.

Do you wanna die?

Well, I promise you I will treat you well, my sweet angel. So help me, Jesus.

"The Thing With People Like You . . ."

2010-04-19T15:30:00.000-07:00

"People like you think that the Devil lives in some sort of houseboat just drinking daiquiris and listening to Jimmy Buffet."

"People like you think that the Devil lives in some sort of abandoned rail road car, just traveling from state to state. Eating sardines out of a can and telling stories to strangers and petting the scraggly little dog that he has."

"People like you think that the Devil lives in some sort of magical hot-air balloon kingdom, where he just zooms around on a Segway scooter and watches soap operas and does sudoku."

"People like you think that the Devil lives in a rundown laundry detergent factory, where he just eats candy canes out of a box that he has and he writes short stories and twirls his hair."

"People like you think that the Devil is some sort of stow-away on Paul Simon's tour bus, just traveling across America and eating Teddy Grahams and when people fall asleep, spitting them in their ears."

"People like you think that the Devil lives on a jewel-encrusted surfboard, just floating in the middle of a wave pool, reading romance novels and thinking about boys."

"People like you think that the Devil lives on a Hollywood movie studio set that's made to look like a World War Two fighter jet. He just lounges around all day getting baked and calling his friends and hanging up on them."

Source: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KJ_qd4DvdYw

Yo Mama Jokes by Rusty Spell

2010-04-17T14:55:00.000-07:00

Yo mama is so fat that, at the end of an eight week period, she didn't achieve her weight loss goal.

Yo mama is so stupid, when she re-entered the mall parking lot, she had forgotten exactly which lane she parked her car in.

Yo mama is so lazy, after a hard day of work she likes to watch a little TV or read a magazine before tidying up the house.

Yo mama is so skinny, she feels that the low-calorie menu options at restaurants serve appropriate portions.

Yo mama is so poor, she decides to wait until new technological gadgets go down in price before purchasing them.

Yo mama is so tall, she was able to put the star on the Christmas tree without her husband's help.

Yo mama is so nasty, she'll wash her hands after going to the bathroom without using the hand soap.

Yo mama is so ugly, she once tried out for the part of the pretty girl in a movie and was told she wasn't exactly what the director was looking for.

Yo mama is so short, she sometimes has to ask grocery store clerks for assistance in retrieving top shelf items.

Yo mama is so old, she heard a new song, popular among teenagers, and thought it wasn't as enjoyable as the music she grew up with.

Yo mama's glasses are so thick that she is advised by her ophthalmologist to wear them while driving at night.

Yo mama's nose is so big that if she crosses her eyes and looks down, she can actually see it.

Yo mama's chest is so flat, she's able, with little difficulty, to jog without wearing a sports bra.

Yo mama's butt is so huge, when she moves past people in a crowded elevator, it's been known to graze them.

Yo mama is so stinky that when she isn't able to shower in the morning, she applies a little extra deodorant before she leaves for work.

Yo mama is so hairy, she sometimes wears jeans instead of a skirt if she doesn't have an opportunity to shave her legs.

Yo mama is so promiscuous, when her husband initiated sex on their first anniversary, she yielded with little resistance.

source: http://gloryblog.blogspot.com/2009/03/yo-mama-jokes.html

(Possibly) The Start Of My Rock Star Fetish

2010-04-11T19:10:00.000-07:00

Zoom zoom zoom. Zoom zoom zoom.

Star-gazing mega fast. You hit me like a cosmic blast. You`ve givin me a Technicolor world. Putting me in overdrive, speed of light, I`m so alive. Could you be my supernova girl?

Interplanetary, mega stellar hydrostatic. There`s no gravity between us. Our love is automatic.

Zoom zoom zoom. Make my heart go boom boom. My supernova girl.

Visions of your pretty face send me into hyperspace. Caught up in a planetary world. Breathing in, you give me air. I`m living off your solar flare. Could you be my supernova girl?

"Oh little fool, are you learning anything in school?"

2010-04-09T08:13:00.000-07:00

I'm watching KTVU Mornings on 2 and they have this uber random blurb that I just can't keep to myself. (I didn't find anything about this on their website)

"12-year-old Benjamin Duncan Chilton's parents found him missing yesterday morning when they went to wake him up for school. Authorities believe he left overnight with his 15-year-old girlfriend, Emily Schubert (sp?) of Palo Alto, who was also reported missing. Friends say they were going to hang out in San Francisco's Haight-Ashbury neighborhood. If you see them, contact the police."

Delightfully Creepy

2010-04-06T18:15:00.000-07:00

Search Social Security Death Index for Free - Footnote.com

We've generated over 80 million profile pages of people found in the Social Security Death Index.

-Deceased individuals with US social security numbers whose deaths were reported to the Social Security Administration. (1937 – current)
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What A Big Knife You Have

2010-04-05T13:38:00.000-07:00

Slutty Silverware Oh, that I were a fork upon that table that he might slide his blade between my prongs!

Oh, Oh, Power Rangers!

2010-04-03T16:04:00.000-07:00

Once upon a time, in a land not too far away called San Francisco, there was a nerdy little fat girl who had a crush, her first crush if you could call it that, on the red Power Ranger. His name was Jason and that girl was me. According to all sources, my four-year-old fondness of him was apparently adorable. Who am I to disagree? I see it's cute but more than that I see that it's a very early indicator of what has become a pattern.

Earlier this morning, watching a few moments of a random episode, I find that my taste in men as a preschooler to a twenty-something hasn't really changed all that much. With his dark hair and perfectly tan & deliciously muscular arms, he definitely fits into the catagory of "my type" of guy that I'm most frequently, sometimes predictably, attracted to. That type being tall buff brunets, of course. It's funny that my crush criteria when I probably thought that the farest you could go was kissing on the cheek is pretty much the same as it is now that I'm overly informed on the whole simple to sickening spectrum of sex acts. The more things change, the more they stay the same.

Sidenote: I heard that the aforementioned Austin St. John was in . . . wait for it . . . a gay porn!!! Although I'd give my left nut (and probably my right one) to see him doing it with another dude, I highly doubt that that's true. Mostly because it's completely too good to be true and God doesn't love me that much. I think the reality of it is that his name just sounds so much like most of the names gay porn stars have.

Same Time Last Year

2010-04-02T20:18:00.000-07:00

Picture it: suburban Arizona, April 2009. The final hours of a two week trip. What else would we do besides watch Twilight and take satirical photos dressed as the characters? (In all of them, I'm right on the verge of busting out laughing)

Saturday Stevens as Bella Swan and introducing Marina Mai Tai as Edward Cullen.

All images provided courtesy of Roark Photography.

The Choking Game

2010-03-15T09:25:00.000-07:00

The title of the Dr. Oz Show today is "Dr. G: The Choking Game: Shocking Look Into Deadly Teen Trend" I laughed when I saw this, and yes, I know I'm going to Hell. The most shocking part is that people still don't know about it. This is old news to me; my friends were doing this five years ago. Kinda reminds me of how kids have those dumb little wheels on their shoes now when those came out while I was still in elementary school. (They weren't cool then & they aren't cool now.) This is probably the only thing that I've heard of being a dangerous teen trend that I've actually witnessed or know that it's going on before they talk about it on Oprah or some other show. There were no "rainbow parties" and "plastic sex bracelets" at RCHS, or at least none that I or any of my friends were aware of. Not that I had a ton of friends.

In case you haven't heard: The Choking Game is basically making yourself super light headed via breathing restrictions and it supposedly produces some great "euphoric" high when you start breathing again. Though its nature seems kinky, it's not at all sexual. When I was in school, it was mostly referred to as simply "Pass-out" or some similar variation. Until now I've never heard of "Purple Dragon" which sounds like a type of weed, or "Space Monkey" and "Funky Chicken" which sound like some weird sex acts.

The method that I saw being used (hands) was definitely safer than the ones (belts) used in their stock footage. It seems possible yet highly unlikely that someone could die from being choked by their own two hands. Belts are much more heavy duty and wicked dangerous for anything besides giving spankings or holding up pants. Scarves and ties are also mentioned but while stronger than hands, they have much more "give" than a belt does. Plus, I can't imagine scarves and ties being strong enough to effectively suspend a body.

Those household items are mainly used when said teens are playing this so-called game by themselves. (May I suggest masturbation?) Getting high by yourself is totally lame because who's gonna call 911 if you need to and who's gonna write down all the awesome ideas that you get like "hamster nipples"? No one, that's who! At least 90% of the time, doing stupid shit with another person is way more fun than doing it alone.

At least 70% of the time, it's even more fun to watch people do stupid shit rather than take part in it. That's what makes YouTube so awesome. You're probably thinking "when you say friends you obviously mean you." Not so. I was purely a spectator in this and never a participant. At the time, I was labeled a wimp but really I was just a tad bit less retarded than they were. Also because I have asthma and it seemed like too much work for such little pay. Of course a hiatus was taken after a particular round where one of them fell over and got a huge bruise on their head from hitting the kitchen table. Good times!

Some boy they have on here said that he and his friend (who died as a result) didn't know it was dangerous. Wow, really?!? We knew it was dangerous just employing digital asphyxiation and were never blindingly naive or clueless enough to use something like a belt. I think (or maybe hope) that's just his lame excuse because how can you honestly not know that suffocating/choking/not breathing can kill you? Haven't you ever heard of Michael Hutchence?

(singing in Paul Lynde voice) Kids! What's the matter with kids today?

Look No Further For Pork Dishes & Fine Champagne

2010-03-05T15:25:00.000-08:00

Tonight's the night, making it why, a perfect meal for you and I.

So grab your fork and pop the cork. It's time for your mouth to celebrate.

I know what you're thinking and I agree. This is a bad idea for a restaurant. Oh no he's coming back. When I get a chance I'll explain how it came to this.

I was at a party. Jon Hamm came up to me. I could tell right away he was pretty drunk. He pushed me in a corner, asked me "Do you like money? Because I have a idea that will make a fortune." I thought he was joking so I started to laugh. His eyes went black and he slapped my face. Delicious ham, refreshing champagne. Oh, what a wonderful restaurant.

He's holding me captive. He took my cell phone. I haven't seen sunlight, oh for days. So please call the police before it's too late. I have a feeling he's standing right behind me.

No problem at all. So glad to be here. This night is like a dream come true for me.

I Just Don't Know What To Do With Myself

2010-02-10T16:14:00.000-08:00

I haven't worked on my screenplay in about two months. The past couple of days though I've been thinking about it non-stop. I really miss it.

I miss the focus, concentration and involvement of it. I miss the way it filled all my time and kept me busy. I miss having it as an outlet and being able to escape into the story. I miss coming up with great things for my characters to say and wear. I miss its silliness and innocence. I miss the romance and frivolity of it. I miss feeling inspired and hopeful. I miss not feeling betrayed or angry.

"I'm Gonna Kill You, Earl Hickey!"

2010-02-08T15:56:00.000-08:00

I'm gonna rip off your ears and shove them up your butt just so you can hear me kicking your ass!

I'm gonna rip off your face and wear it to The Ugly Ball!

I'm gonna wear you like a puppet on my fist and then get in a punch fight with a man made of razorblades!

I'm gonna yank out your skeleton, like a cartoon bear eating a fish, and use it to beat your soul!

I'm gonna rip off all your skin and wear it as a track suit then roll around in broken glass then put you back in it!

I'm gonna rip off your hands and put them where your feet go and rip off your feet and put them where your hands go and I'm gonna point at you and laugh.

I'm gonna rip out your hair, put it in a jar and I don't know, mail it to the Pope.

You See Dramedy, I See Porn

2010-01-26T11:29:00.000-08:00

It's terrible how easily I get turned on by the most non-sexual things. Like this trailer for The Boys Are Back. It's some tear-jerkin' family film but I go from zero to sixty on the scale of salacity. It's that gawddam Clive Owen! He could play anyone, from Hitler to Dr. Suess, and I'd still be wet.

WAIT! WAIT! WAIT! Are You Fucking Kidding Me?

2010-01-11T20:27:00.000-08:00

The former heroin junkie/current sex-addict who is incapable of love is engaged to one of the worst pop culture influences of our time? I don't know if I'm just horribly detached from reality, if I'm so upset that I'm still in a state of shock, or if I've become immune to these types of all too frequent disappointments, but I don't really have any reaction to this, good or bad.

Although, I will say that I cannot wait to show everyone my version of The Told-You-So Dance when their disgusting shell of a relationship ends terribly like I know it will.

Vous stupide, magnifique, coeur-moins et perverti homme! Avec apitoiement sur soi et regret, je t'aime!

Update: Read this

Melting Pot Of Weirdness

2010-01-02T21:11:00.000-08:00

I don't know what made him pop into my head but . . . Pete Doherty. Why, oh why, do I find him attractive? As a result of my talent for figuring out exactly who people look like, I've finally found something that closely resembles an explanation.

He has a ridiculously Sid Vicious quality about him. The excessive drug consumption, the self-destructiveness, the vampirically pale & slightly emaciated body, the notorious girlfriend, the arguments with bandmates, the greasy dark hair, the multiple arrests. I'm not physically attracted to Monsieur Vicieux so much as I am absolutely fascinated by him.

To make up for the "eye candy-ness" they both lack, Pete has has a bit of a Robert Pattinson thing going on in the face department. (I'll have to explain how RPattz is the epitome of an Ugly Cute Guy in another post) All in all, looking like the most sensitive vampire and acting like the most reckless tortured soul is a pretty good combo.

I have a few other theories as well. The most recent one being: he's like a grown up Jack Wilde, dressed in Rat Pack clothing and sprinkled in Noel Fielding dust.

He's horrible and adorable. He's the world's cuddliest crack addict. He is an asexual version of Russell Brand.

HIM & not Chris Isaak

2009-12-27T19:54:00.000-08:00

The world was on fire, no one could save me but you. It's strange what desire will make foolish people do. I never dreamed that I'd meet somebody like you. And I never dreamed that I'd need somebody like you.

I wanna fall in love. (This world is only gonna break your heart) And I wanna fall in love with you.

What a wicked game to play, to make me feel this way. What a wicked thing to do, to let me dream of you. What a wicked thing to say, you never felt this way. What a wicked thing to do, to make me dream of you.

No and I never dreamed that I'd love somebody like you. I never dreamed that I'd lose somebody like you.

Nobody loves no one.

Discovery: Chester French's "Bebe Buell"

2009-12-01T22:01:00.000-08:00

Oh no, I never been to L.A. I never hung around with so many nuts. And ‘ye said that there’d be drunk and hot girls but I’m not tryin to mess with no sluts. Cuz I just need a girl like you who doesn’t wanna shop at Dior. So come inside and lock that hotel door. I wanna learn a little more.

Oh, oh, this ain’t groupie love cuz you mean so much to me. You’re my Bebe Buell. You’re my Puerto Rican Pamela Lee. And I’m here and I’m now and I’m chasing the charts. I’m tryin to buy myself a house in the hills. I’m in town and you’re down, so let’s go.

Now you know that I been locked up in school and I been foamin' at the mouth for awhile. And you might be everything that I need but maybe I just need to get wild. Cuz all these females lookin sexy start to make me think like a perv. And I been waiting so long that it hurts. I only want what I deserve.

This is my dream. All I wanted was to be seen.

Feelings are strong. Let’s cut our losses and move it along.

famous drunks are awesome!

2009-11-05T14:23:00.000-08:00

People Self-Identifying As Alcoholics

Major LOL-iage when I saw Tim Allen and Jason Mewes. I'm not laughing at their misfortunes; I'm laughing because I want them to be in my movie with their fellow alcoholic: Russell Brand. With the three of them, we might as well just have AA meetings on right on the set.

Plus, people involved in my inspirations: Ann-Margret, Peter Tork, Drew Barrymore, Ringo Starr, Patrick Swayze.

Yeah, the title says it all.

Disenchanted, Disillusioned And Just Plain Dissed

2009-10-24T14:22:00.000-07:00

Is anything going right? Is anything going my way? Anything???

Do I have anything to look forward to? Anything that I'm certain will actually happen? Anything???

Not that Russell Brand's lack of emotional romance or my screenwriting tidbits or Tori's ocular health gave me great hope. It's just now that those are down the proverbial tube, so is my one thread of optimism.

I just don't know what to do with myself . . .

Bonjour Dévastation!

2009-10-24T13:14:00.000-07:00

So you know how I am (or was) writing a screenplay? You know how I had pages and pages of dialogue? You know how I had just begun to write a treatment? You know how I had a COPIOUS amount of notes on movies, music and just shit in general? WELL, IT IS ALL GONE! I don't know if it was karma, coincidence or a huge turd from the tech gods, but the GD laptop I'd been using religiously for about two years just up and died on me the other day. Wednesday, I think it was. Wednesday, possibly one of the worst days of my life.

All the notes I had on Lolita. All the millions of related movie quotes. All the pictures of Russell Brand, Emile Hirsch, Tyson Ritter and Themis. The lists and lists and lists.

Can you imagine all the movies that I have to see again? American Beauty, There's A Girl In My Soup, Never Been Kissed, Pretty Baby, La Petite Lili, Help! From now on I'm writing all my notes on paper or on here (blogspot) because then I can take it with me.

All those movies though, I can see again. As much as I really only wanted to see Pretty Baby just once, I can watch it again and write down all the stuff about steam-rising and cherry-busting. I cannot, however, watch what I dubbed "The Bathroom Scene" again. I made that all up on the spot, when my head was fuzzy and buzzy; I can't watch it again because it only played once in my mind.

Yeah, I can remember bits and pieces like "They're not pills, they're vitamins for your soul" or "If you're trying to poison me, you're wasting your time" but not the whole entire thing! I can't remember his exact words when he's literally comparing her to heroin or exactly what he says about the acquittal of Michael Jackson. (Two of his best lines, in my opinion)

It's all very, very tragic.

Love Or Something Like It

2009-10-19T04:37:00.000-07:00

This is what I'm assuming love is. Putting someone else's happiness and success and general well being before your own. Trying to do everything in your power to help them with whatever they may want or need. Wishing them all the world and the best of luck. Being so excited about them that it makes you feel sick. Wanting to be with them so badly that your actual heart actually hurts. Feeling a deep spiritual or emotional connection with them for almost no reason at all. Never having to say you're sorry . . . . . .

Ok, maybe not so much that last one. Love is saying that you're sorry and meaning it 100% sincerely.

Découverte: Julien Marceaux dans "La Petite Lili"

2009-10-17T03:49:00.000-07:00

Robinson Stévenin est séduisant comme le diable!

He's a weird combination of Ville Valo and Tyson Ritter or Cillian Murphy and Stuart Townsend. Androgynous rock star vampire.

Of course I shan't forget his devastating eyes! Exactly the type of gorgeous green eyes that you could stare into endlessly. The type of eyes that put you under a spell, a trance, an erotic coma. The type of eyes that make you forget where you are, who you are, what you're doing. The type of eyes that make you lose your mind, your inhibitions, your virginity. Exactly the type of gorgeous green eyes that intoxicate you to the point that you'd let him do absolutely anything he wants to you.

I'm watching "La Petite Lili" on Netflix and it's a good movie but I'm having the hardest time concentrating on the story. I keep having to "rewind" it because his eyes and various facial nuances are distracting me from reading the subtitles. Damn you, French hottie! Damn you to Hell! (By the way, Hell is now currently located on my bed. I'll be waiting.)

Good Riddance!

2009-10-16T02:31:00.000-07:00

Excuse me for not kissing ass like everyone else does. Just because this person believes themselves to be God does not mean that they actually are. Just because their brand of medicine cures (or at the very least pacifies) people that does not mean that the same medicine is going to cure me. I'm not going to say "Please sir, may I have another" if they ones I've got so far can't be put to good use.

As it stands now, none of it was worth it. If I knew it was going to end up being this pointless, than I would have said to pass me right by and save the next bleeding victim.

If you write in metaphors people have to infer! I write in metaphors all the GD time but it doesn't bother me when people don't understand what I'm saying. No one says exactly what they mean by using metaphors. You are very mistaken!

I'm going to use a metaphor now and I won't be perturbed if you don't know precisely what I mean. Also if you ask me what it means, I won't treat you like you just admitted you don't know your right from your left.

It is as if I came in saying that I had cancer. First they treated me for the flu, then for diabetes, then they acted like I had AIDS. Not until just right now did they listen to me when I said that I had cancer. "Oh, you have cancer? Why didn't you say so?" I already did! Everyone is congratulating the doctor on treating my nonexistent flu and diabetes but I still have cancer! "Okay, so here's what to do: forget about it. Forget about your cancer and just put a band-aid on the tumour. Come back in six months when the band-aid's done it's job. Good luck!"

"Racists, I Think They're Called"

2009-10-15T16:48:00.000-07:00

Today I came upon an article about some chick in French Vogue doing a photoshoot in "blackface," just a few days after I saw that clip of delicious Harry Connick Jr. on a wacky Aussie show (with the BEST title, "Hey Hey It's Saturday") having a micro-bitchfit over some dudes in "blackface." I'm sure you know what I'm talking about but in case you don't: On the show, five men presented a skit called "Jackson Jive" while covered in blackface paint and afro wigs. The audience cheered and laughed as the group performed, and seemed shocked when Connick Jr. gave the group a zero score."Man, if they turned up looking like that in the United States, it'd be like 'Hey Hey There's No More Show.'" Even when super pissed, his commentary was absolutely brill.

When I saw the headline "French Vogue does blackface" I was thinking it would be some chick looking wickedly outrageous with tar-black paint on her face and a chalk-white circle around her mouth, ala The Jazz Singer. That is not the case. If you look at the pictures above, they're not really so shocking as the article made them out to be. IMO, the one in the center is not offensive in the least. It's actually very artistic. It's tone-on-tone, it's monochromatic, it's a concept. They're not trying to make her look black, they're making her a "piece of art," if you will. I'll gladly defend this one . . .

. . . but not the others. The one on the left and the one on the right are just stupid although not anymore ridiculous, vulgar, idiotic or pointless than any other "fashion editorial" I've seen in the many Vogues I've read over the years. I don't know why they took those particular photos any more than I know why they use the other retarded pictures they have in there. Even if they got a real black model, it would still look shitty. I'm not offended by these but I can see how some people could totally over react about it.

Now THIS is something that has great potential to be offensive. I'm not offended by it (I think it's funny) but I totally understand if you are.

You might be thinking "OMG Saturday!!! You think that's funny?!? You're so racist!!! How are you not offended by this!?!" Well if you listen, I'll tell you. First of all, it's a screencap from an episode of Mad Men. Although I did not see that episode, I can say with lots of certainty that it was on there to show how ridiculous it is. That's what I'm trying to tell you now. It's so severely beyond all retardation that anyone ever even did this!

When they first started doing it, probably in eighteen-hundred-something, it was like "Look how crazy those coloreds are! I'm gonna dress up like one and be stupid!" Well, sir, there is no need for it because just having that idea makes you so much more fucking stupid than anyone else could ever possibly be. In attempting to show what a "buffoon" someone else is, you are the real buffoon for believing in something so disturbingly untrue. Two things make it that way.

Primo, people in "blackface" is like people dressing up as . . . I don't know . . . unicorns or trolls or anything else fictional. Never in the history of humans has anyone actually looked like Roger Sterling up there. No one has a real white line around their mouths like that; it's all made up. It's like masquerading as an imaginary creature but labeling it as something that really exists. It's like "Running Of The Jews" in Borat. Why would I be offended when I know that Jews aren't like that and it's just a silly joke?

Secundo, if it is anything, it's incredibly embarrassing. It's embarrassing that white people were ever so truly hatefully racist to the point that they thought not only that black people look like that, but that they were at all inferior and that it was perfectly okay to make fun of them. But how's that saying go? Tragedy plus time equals comedy or something like that. The most embarrassing things tend to become quite laughable after a while. In 2009, I can laugh at what they did in 1929 but it's not because I'm racist as they were. I'm laughing at them, not with them. It's funny to me because of how inconceivably ridiculous it is that people were ever so ignorant. It's funny because of how absurd it is.

source: http://shine.yahoo.com/channel/beauty/french-vogue-does-blackface-since-when-is-this-ok-525789/

"I HATE You So Much Right NOW!"

2009-10-10T20:15:00.000-07:00

What is the world fucking coming to when Justin Timberlake is dating rihanna and Russell Brand is dating katy perry? Neither of them deserve to have their names capitalized. Honestly, could they haved picked any two people I hate more or like less? Next thing you know, I'm going to see pictures of Tyson Ritter cuddling with Ann Coulter! Or Emile Hirsh kissing Sherri Shepard! UUUGGGHHH!!!

Justin and Russell are supposed to both be going out with me! ME!!! Not these talentless, no-moral cunts.

I'm not jealous. I'm angry. I'm jealous of Scarlett Johansson. I'm jealous of Hugh Jackman's wife. I'm jealous of them because they have gorgeous men AND they have souls. I'm angry about those two pieces of shit because, in the immortal words of Shelby Eatenton Latcherie, they are "horrible, awful people."

Update: Read this

Update #2: I have no reason to believe that JT & Rihanna went on more than one date. Plus, ScarJo & Ryan Reynolds (RyRey?) are getting divorced so now all I have to be jealous of is how successful her career is and how physically superior she is to me instead of what a hunky husband she has.

Discovery: Twilight's Appeal

2009-10-07T18:04:00.000-07:00

Ever since I started reading Twilight as soon as I got back from Arizona, I've found it to be delightfully horrible. It still is but now I've figured out why.

Part of my is the same as everyone else who likes it: I think it's so beautiful and romantic. Just reading teeny tiny little excerpts, I get the Teenage-Girl-Giggles. The rest of me is logical and is thinking "He wants to kill her! How is that romantic!?!"

It's not that I wish someone was always thinking about murdering me. It's that I wish someone was always thinking about me, you know? I don't want someone to be contemplating my death, but I want someone to find me just as irresistible that they're always contemplating something.

It's also his strength. We love to feel vulnerable; I'd love to feel vulnerable. I don't know exactly why but I love the idea of a man so much stronger than I am. Probably some sort of ploy by God's Evolution that makes me wanna have babies with the alpha male or some shit like that. The fact that he could crush you isn't exciting at all, it's that he can pick you up and carry you like a helpless little kinderwhore.

It certainly helps that out of all the ways that he could possibly end your life, you're certain that he will use the most sensual, even erotic way to do so. Edward Cullen would be much easier to resist if his murder weapon was a chainsaw or a gun, not his mouth. In order for him to kill you, he has to put his mouth on you; his perfect marble-y mouth. Oh, what a way to go! It's like dying in your sleep but sexy!

Songs Of Celebration And Devastation

2009-10-07T04:21:00.000-07:00

Songs that tell the whole story without me having to write anything. Just listen to all of these and you will know (almost) everything you need to know. In no particular order.

The Doors:
You're Lost Little Girl
Hello I Love You
We Could Be So Good Together
Wild Child
Blue Sunday

HIM - Wicked Game

The Beatles - Something (acoustic)

Clare Quilty - Sleep With You

The Days The Nights - Her Name is Alice

Starz - So Young, So Bad

Depeche Mode - Personal Jesus (acoustic)

Blink 182 - Josie

Ben Kweller - Thirteen

Big Star - Thirteen

Brian Jonestown Massacre - 13

Alice Cooper - You're My Temptation

"You're the meaning in my life. You're the inspiration."

2009-10-06T18:51:00.000-07:00

It's about having them look down from wherever they are and noticing that they still mean everything to me. Forty years later they still make all the difference in the world. I'm still thinking about them and they inspire me. I'm trying to tell all their stories through just two hours of my imagination. That's what really matters. Not fitting a structure, but giving praise to people who I still find absolutely incredible no matter how long ago it was.

It's about how what shoes they wore one day or a particular way they were standing is so significant and iconic after all this time. The smallest decisions end up having this huge impact. They just did it, ya know? But I'm magnifying it, replicating it, celebrating it. I want to put these amazing things in everyone's face. "Look what you missed! Look what guides me. Look how special these things are. Look how you can do this too."

Really the only reason why I'm attempting to jump through all these hoops to get this done is because I want everyone to see it. There is no point in paying tribute to them if no one will see it, since I'm already privately worshipping all the time. I want it to be a shining example of the avenue through which I'm portraying it because then people will really be able to respond easily and positively to what it is that I'm trying to convey.

Get Ready For The Judgement Day

2009-10-02T15:07:00.000-07:00

Okay okay okay. Panicked? No. Insecure? More than ever! Now I know why so many writers are total drunks. They don't like people telling them that what they write is shit. If I continue to pursue this, Jose Cuervo could be a friend of mine.

I don't know what possessed me to post my work (as a text file) and then tell people to be HONEST! Honest? WTF? Lie to me a little!

I guess it's okay since it's all in the name of improvement but that doesn't make it any less scary when I see two extremely long posts about what's wrong with what I've written.

Besides the times that I've pathetically faced reality and dwelled on how my movie will never be made or when I start to think that the same exact movie is being made before I've finished any of my script, this is the most discouraged I have felt during this whole ordeal. I must have successfully created my own little faux-universe where I "know" what I'm doing and where what I'm writing about is not only good & interesting but will eventually be made into the film that I "believe" it should be.

In my defense, they don't know the whole story like I do so some of what they said will probably be relatively inaccurate.

I don't know how I post one scene for a week and I get three people saying "Yeah, it's funny" and then I post another scene for not even 12 hours and it gets so brutally dissected. I guess because before I wasn't asking for . . . criticism? This time I did. WHY???

You should note that this is all being written before I've gone through and actually read any of these seemingly scathing reviews. I'll probably post a horrible angry rant immediately afterwards.

Think happy thoughts, think happy thoughts, think happy thoughts . . . . . . .

Today's "Top" Stories

2009-10-02T06:29:00.000-07:00

#1. 2016 Olympics - I have never been to Chicago but I'm fully aware of how awesome it is. (Oprah, Springer, Superdawg) But I must say that an awesome city does not an Olympic venue make. Do they even have enough room to host it?

#2. Roman Polanski - Total LOL-iage when I heard about this last night. It was so long ago that I kinda think they should just get over it BUT obviously he is extremely guilty if he's been semi-sequestering himself this whole time. Plus, I feel that he is partially responsible for the ridiculously tragic demise of Sharon Tate. I'm "wary" of him in the same way that I'm "wary" of Peter Bogdanovich.

#3. Why is everyone so devastated by the devastation in American Samoa while it seems like they don't give a mouse fart about regular Samoa? Shit is just as bad in both places.

#4. I'm sooooo fucking sick of hearing about Michael fucking Jackson! I haven't seen this many people whining over the death of a child molestor since that one Pope died a few years ago.

Color Me Discouraged! They Beat Me To The Punch!

2009-09-30T02:05:00.000-07:00

I googled Abigail Breslin to see if I could find out how tall she is and I cringed back in terror when I found this article. It seems like I'm totally fucked.

These days, Abigail Breslin is growing up fast. The "Little Miss Sunshine" star recently graduated to the heart-tugging, adult-themed topics of "My Sister’s Keeper." She also dropped jaws at Comic-Con with footage of her kicking ass in the October flick "Zombieland." Now Breslin has revealed to MTV that she’s signed on for one of her heaviest roles yet.

"I’m going to Iowa to film a movie called ‘Janie Jones,'” the 13-year-old cutie told us this week, revealing the name of the top-secret project which she recently became the first major star to join.

“I can’t say too much about it, but it is a drama,” Breslin said of the film’s tone, claiming that it will be quite a departure from her past roles. “It has some funny parts in it, but for the most part it’s drama.”

The project is not to be confused with “Untitled Jamie Lee Jones Project,” an in-development film about a contract worker in Iraq who claimed to have been raped by six employees of a Halliburton subsidiary. “Janie Jones” will star Breslin as a fictional teenage main character, and it has nothing to do with Iraq or Halliburton.

“Yes, I am [Janie Jones],” the former Oscar nominee explained, saying that she’s playing the title role. “And it’s fiction.”

Although little is known about the flick, it’s sure to have a great title track if it wants one. Fans of The Clash will remember “Janie Jones,” the now classic punk song about a man who loves everything... except his job. Whether Breslin will be serenaded to the strains of Joe Strummer is anyone's guess, though it's unlikely that she's actually portraying the infamous British madam/pop singer the song is named for.

As for the rest of the cast: “I don’t know if I can say,” Breslin added. Stay tuned, as we’ll have more on "Janie Jones" in the weeks to come.

Yeah, that sounds nothing like the screenplay I'm writing that's named after a very popular song! That sounds nothing like the comedic drama I have written, planning for Abigail Breslin to play the fictional teenage main character!

Goddamn it! I really, really hope that the rest of the cast doesn't include Nikki Reed, Jason Mewes, Kelly Carlson, Emile Hirsch, Justin Long or Tyson Ritter. I pray that it won't star Russell Brand or any other Russell Brand-type people.

Now MTV does make me wanna smoke crack.

Update: Despite the evidence I provided, I'm about 75% sure that this "Janie Jones" is not similar to my own Personal Jesus.

Updated Update: Two things.
#1: It says on IMDb & Netflix that this came out in 2010. Was it direct to DVD or something? Or is it like the all too similar (and shittier) Somewhere that had a very small theatrical release last year but wasn't released on DVD until this year?

#2: Here's the Netflix description - "Deserted by her drug-addicted mom (Elisabeth Shue) -- a former groupie -- in the middle of a rock concert, 13-year-old Janie (Abigail Breslin) drastically alters the course of her life when she announces to the band's temperamental singer (Alessandro Nivola) that she's his daughter. Although they've never met before, father and daughter go on the road together, eventually bonding over music and more." Maybe it's worse than I thought.

Another Update: It's on demand for $7/8 and I CANNOT WAIT TO SEE IT!

The New Jan Brady

2009-09-29T14:28:00.000-07:00

"The two of them have been friends since they were little girls, and as a result, they've been able to stay in that friendship, even though as teenagers they have nothing in common anymore. And I think everyone can relate to that. You have this friend that you made when you were a completely different person and then you get to a point when you realize how incompatible you are yet you can't let go of it because there's this cord between the two of you." You said it, Diablo! That's exactly my predicament.

Obviously we've all changed in the past fourteen or so years. It would be almost impossible not to. Although since the youngest one, I've definitely changed the most. The oldest of the bunch is the one who hasn't really changed at all. I never fit in completely with them and I fit in even less now.

A few things about me have stayed exactly the same. I'm still ever so girly. I still love pink. I still love Barbie and I think it's safe to say that I always will. Aside from those things, they don't know who I am now.

We don't have anything in common anymore. I listen to The Doors and they listen to Rihanna. I've been to the movies once this year and they go at least once a week. They all have jobs, cars, & high school diplomas while I have this blog, an abandoned skateboard & a library card.

The only thing connecting us is the past. We used to be great friends. We used to be like family. Growing up in the same place, at the same time, we used to have things in common. We used to listen to the same music, watch the same movies, like the same things. We don't anymore. They all do but I don't.

"The Prime Of Miss Diablo Cody"

2009-09-28T15:34:00.000-07:00

In the August/September issue of Bust Magazine, pages 38 - 45, an article about-slash-interview with Diablo Cody. If you know me at all then you know that I'm slightly fascinated by her, or at least envious of her success.

Her real name is Brook Busey, by the way. How the eff did she come up with "Diablo Cody"? That's even more random than Saturday Stevens.

Dude! I need to write a fucking book first. None of my ideas would make a good book besides the one that I'm writing a screenplay of now. I was hoping that this blog would possibly get me somewhere but it sure hasn't gotten me anywhere yet. Well, maybe one or two of them could work. My modern day Oedipus would work as a book but it's "power" needs to be shown on a screen and not read on a page. Jesus-Loving Teen Hooker or Celebrity Haunted House would probably make really great books but I don't know how to write what's inbetween the dialogue.

Blond Curls & Leather Pants

2009-09-27T16:19:00.000-07:00

Should I legally change my name to Marilyn Morrison? That's probably one of the coolest names I've ever heard in my life.

I'll pretend that you are retarded and spell it out for you. Marilyn as in Marilyn Monroe and Morrison as in Jim Morrison. Two of my most favorite people ever. Two people who died long before I was born but I feel like I know them. Two people who I have ridiculously strong spiritual connections to. Two people who are such huge pop culture icons. Two people that everyone wants to investigate their deaths when everyone should just let them rest in piece.

The teehee about it is that I light up when I hear or see just one. Like Marilyn Horowitz or Matthew Morrison. Something inside me squees.

My mom said that she knew some chick who changed her name to Carol Joe Strummer. She said that she thinks that's awesome, as do I.

Okay, so I sprang it on her. She likes it but seems a bit hesitant. I think she's perfectly fine with Marilyn. It's the Morrison that she's not to keen on. She obviously isn't aware of Jim's unending rawsomeness as she is aware of Joe Strummer's ordinary awesomeness. I'd pick The Doors over The Clash anyday. ANYDAY!

According to her, I've always wanted my name to be Marilyn. I don't remember that but it's probably true. I know that I've always wanted to have double initials. I love double initials. Betty Boop, Farrah Fawcett, Steven Spielberg, Amy Adams, Tanya Tucker, Wil Wheaton, Joan Jett, Diana Dors, Ville Valo, Lina Lamont, Siouxsie Sioux.

It's really all my parents fault. They gave me a painfully average yet wonderfully Jewish sounding first name and spelled it wonky so I've had to hear all sorts of mispronunciations for almost twenty years.

If He Only Had A Heart, A Brain, The Nerve

2009-09-24T18:02:00.000-07:00

I think that what encourages me to keep writing my screenplay and not to just give up is how I'm enamored with my male lead character. I've made him into this composite of all the men that really interest me or that I find fascinating. The appearance & voice of Russell Brand. The charisma & attitude of Jim Morrison. The intellect & intentions of Humbert Humbert. The macabre sexuality & chain-smoking of Ville Valo. The hips of Elvis. The snarl of Billy Idol. The overwhelming carnal urge/hesistation of Edward Cullen.

Evolutionary

2009-09-17T17:09:00.000-07:00

This idea came upon me in early June. It is now mid-September. I don't know if that is wonderful or horrible. At least I've stuck with it this long and don't have any plans to abandon it yet. At the same time, why has it taken me so long? Do I even have one completed start-to-finish scene? I don't think so. I have made progress but probably not nearly enough.

What started out as a partnership making a parody has turned into one independent, explosively unoriginal writing accomplishment.

Nothing has honestly changed the plot from night to day but there have been tons of little changes. Maybe not exactly changes so much as fleshing out the skeleton.

angels fight, angels cry, Lolita dances and Quilty dies

2009-09-15T19:43:00.000-07:00

Patricia Butler uses simple words with simple meaning. It's not the way she writes but it's what she has written about that I find so ridiculously compelling. It's the odd love story between James Douglas Morrison and Pamela Susan Courson. They are fantastical fascinating muses for my own little strange tale.

It's almost the opposite of Lolita because Nabokov took something that no one really wants to read about but uses complicated words with complicated meanings to turn a lecherous tragedy into an off beat romantic comedy. The odd "love" story of Humbert Humbert and Dolores Haze would be insanely boring with Butler's words. However, Jim & Pam are inherently interesting enough that there is absolutely no need for wordplay and allusions.

Comparing the subject matter and writing technique of these two books to my own screenplay, it is neither here nor there. I like to think that what I'm writing is interesting and compelling enough that I don't have to doll it up with alliterations and double entendres but the truth is that I'm desperately unoriginal and truly need to have those things in it to make it as wonderful as I'm praying it will be.

free by association #4

2009-09-15T19:07:00.000-07:00

I'm at the library again. I have interweb access at home but I wanted to come here to pick up a new book and return the book I got last week.

I'm on computer 13 again but this time because of superstition and not at all coincidence. Someone with a pastel laptop was at my special table so I had to sit somewhere else. Don't you love how I immediately start traditions?

I'm quite distressed about the demise of Crazy Swayze so I'm holding off on writing a memorial post until I can come up with something really eloquent and respectful.

I can't believe that Angels Dance And Angels Die took so long to get here. It's the book that I came to get. I lazily & lovingly flipped through it. It is sheer magic, but on the opposite side of the spectrum from Lolita.

I felt like such a loser having The Doors by The Doors & Angels Dance And Angels Die in front of me while I'm wearing my Jim Morrison tee shirt.

Has anyone honestly ever in the history of man or womankind looked more stunning, beautiful and gorgeous than Marilyn Monroe looks on the cover of Eve Arnold's People? I am completely serious.

You can tell a lot by just taking a glance at me. I don't wear my heart on my sleeve, just my spirituality on my chest and my immaturity in my hand. Even more so with the books I've picked out. All my interests and intentions are clearly spread across this table for all to see.

I hate seeing someone flipping through pages of books or magazines with words on them while never stopping and just settling on one page, one paragraph, one sentence or even one word.

I know that this is way shorter than last weeks library rant but that's because I have a comp at home so nothing is really all that bottled up and aching to burst out of me like it was before. Plus, I was barely focused on any one thing this time.

Why do I build you up, Buttercup?

2009-09-14T00:37:00.000-07:00

Listen to this song while you're reading this post.

One of the majors "occupational hazards" of being both an avid movie fan AND an aspiring screenwriter is becoming too attached to a character.

As an audience member, you'll feel let down when that particular actor or actress does anything else that doesn't go along with what they are to you. (No need to worry there, Hugh Grant fans!)

I'm completely guilty of intermingling the life of my fictional character with the factual life of the person that I'm basing that character on, that I really REALLY hope ends up playing this role in the eventual film if it ever does get made.

Perhaps I've written Fake Character so convincingly that I've come to believe that they are in fact Real Person. I'm not investigating Real Person anywhere near as much as I could be because I know that will just lead me into un piscine de chagrin.

This is When The Magic Happens

2009-09-13T19:06:00.000-07:00

Read this first: http://saturdaystevens.blogspot.com/2009/09/ars-gratia-artis.html

Okay, are you ready now?

So I went yesterday and picked up the book. The Annotated Lolita is now in my possession. September 12th could end up being a very important day in Saturday Stevens History. Or not. I hate how I'm acting like it's the fucking Second Coming or something. No book is that phenomenal. I checked out a book from the library. I didn't win the California state lottery.

I've only skimmed the book and this post is for all my preconceived notions or initial reactions from that skim.

First Impression? Love it!

I'm really glad that I got the annotated version because it has the French translations and I was totally dreading the task of having to convert all the French terms Humbert uses into American English. I especially love that it tells me everything that he makes reference to because I'm also an absolute reference whore. Plus the analytical jibber-jabber in the beginning is great and talks about it the same way I do, just with a significantly less uneducated and severely more intellectual tone. The kind of tone that comes from actually knowing things and having substantial proof rather than hypothesizing things and using second or third hand information & your instincts to back it up.

Forget about "Deliver Kotter With Love"

2009-09-13T17:35:00.000-07:00

I know about more than three things but the most beneficial things that I could be helping people with are: reading, application of cosmetics and a fair amount of computer skills. There is a program at my local library where people can volunteer to help other people learn to read. My sister is in desperate need of help concerning any type of make up knowledge. My mom is struggling so much in her Microsoft class and could really use more of my help with all kinds of technology.

It's not that I don't want to. I want to but I can't. I'm not Michelle Pfeiffer or Hilary Swank. I can't make anyone get into poetry. Mostly because I don't have the patience. I don't lose my temper or anything like that but I just get really frustrated. Like "This is so easy! How do you not understand?" I just assume that everyone knows things like what a screencapture is or the difference between a blush brush and a powder brush.

I'd be a terrible teacher because if a student asked me a question I'd say "No one taught ME this! Figure it out yourself!".

It's not that it comes naturally to me. I didn't come out of the womb reading Keats, putting on lipstick and playing Oregon Trail. I had to learn how to do things too but the major difference is that I basically taught myself. Actually, I didn't teach myself as much as I gathered what little I'd been taught by someone else and went from there. Others planted seeds of knowledge within me but I made them grow with dedication, diligent research and most importantly trial & error.

Sidenote: I've never read Keats or played Oregon Trail but I thought they were good examples.

Mums Say The Darndest Things!

2009-09-11T22:12:00.000-07:00

My mom said that she thinks/thought that Russell Brand is gay. Pfff! She has obviously never seen "RE:Brand - Wanky Wanky." Actually, I know for a fact that she's never seen it. Why would I ever show it to her?

I'm paraphrasing here. These were not her exact words but pretty close. "I find it hard to believe that he's not gay with that outfit. And that zipper. Plus the hair and the eyeliner."

Hmmm, yeah. A man wearing eyeliner and big stupid hair does not a homosexual make. Even if it did, wouldn't that give her some teeny tiny reason to like him?

If she wants to think that, she can. Saying that I'm offended or hurt by it is an overstatement. It bugs me, that's all.

Update: Over a year later, this is still her belief.

We were just saying that we both think that Matthew Morrison (of TVs Glee) is cute. She said we have similar taste in men. Right now I'm overwhelmingly in lust with Russell Brand so our taste can't be all that similar.

Although, a fairly significant amount of my attraction to him has nothing to do with how he looks. Being a California Girl with no regional inflections, I find his accent to be very adorable, albeit a bit confusing at times. He's painfully intelligent; quoting Baudelaire and Rimbaud as effortlessly as I quote Will & Grace. He has had and still has addictions to things I've never even tried once. Etc etc.

But don't get me wrong here! It's also his enchanting smile and his sinfully soulful brown eyes. It's also the odd way he dresses. It's also his overtly sexual physicality. It's also the silly & saucy faces that he makes. And of course he's tall and has dark hair; those are always a plus.

Truth be told, he's been quite an inspiration of sorts. Fueling the premise for my screenplay and unintentionally encouraging me to learn things and read more. Of course that also gives me a reason to rarely ever go out anywhere & do anything but that is besides the point.

In the Saturday Stevens Universe, I don't think that there would be any Jim Morrison worship if not for the ridiculously raucous rock star image that Russell Brand burned into my brain. I also have Stephenie Meyer and Ville Valo to thank for it.

"Ars Gratia Artis"

2009-09-11T13:17:00.000-07:00

Annotated Lolita is ready for me to pick at the library. I was already planning on going there on Tuesday so I'll probably wait until then to get it. I'm afraid to start reading it too soon.

#1. I'm afraid that I'll read it and be so enamored with it that it will infiltrate more and more of my screenplay until it's a remake of Lolita instead of just being inspired by Lolita.

#2. Now I'll grossly oversell it: I'm afraid that it could change my life. Various books, movies, music and tv shows have done so in the past. The earliest example is seeing Marilyn Monroe in The Seven Year Itch. The most recent example is either listening to The Doors or watching Adrian Lyne's version of Lolita.

Anything that I become passionate about or anything that turns into an obsession is something that changes my life. This is where the title becomes relevant. "Art" is the majority of what changes my life because I'm so lacking in experience. I have never: had sex (so obviously no kids), graduated highschool (so obviously no college), been arrested, been married, been drunk. I never got my driver's license. I've never had a full-time job. However I have moved, moved, moved, moved, been diagnosed, been admitted, been admitted, moved, been diagnosed and moved. In that order.

Reading that last sentence over, I guess it's no wonder why I'm so extremely influenced by art and not by life. It's because my life fucking sucks.

free by association #3

2009-09-08T19:34:00.000-07:00

I'm at the library. Needless to say, I am currently sans interweb at home.

I hate using any computers that aren't my own because I have to sign in all the time because of the cookies and what not. Plus, I have none of my pictures or word files saved. I need a little zip drive type thing to put my stuff on so I can work on my stuff at any computer.

This key board is pretty wonky compared to the ones I'm used to using and so I'm wondering if my fast typing is too loud to the people sitting around me. Also, they probably think its weird that I only look at the key board when I'm typing and not at all at the screen.

I'm pretty T.O.'d that my two books that I reserved are both still in transit. I'm at the library now! I wanna read them now!

Aw, they have the BEST book ever here: The Doors by The Doors. I felt like such a little loser, sitting by myself, reading it and shamelessly smiling. Like a big Jim Morrison loving goof, that I am. I wish they had his poetry books because then I would have had a total squee-gasm.

Aside from that, I'm pretty disappointed with their Nabokov selection. They have Ada and Bend Sinister. I really want to read Lolita (duh!), Speak Memory & The Original Of Laura. I really really wanna read Lolita. I think I've done more than enough preparation, don't you?

The only book I'm going to get tonight is Screenwriting For Dummies. Maybe it will help me whip ups some dialogue. Although, I have no way of putting it down anywhere tonight so I might as well just do something else or read the parts that have nothing to do with dialogue.

Wow! I just now looked up and realized that I'm on computer number 13. Spooky, isn't it? I totally take that as a sign. A sign of what? I don't know, but a sign none the less. Something. It has to be something. It probably means something. At least to me.

Oh, that reminds me. There was something in TDbyTD that was totally relating to me and it was weird. Now I sound like a stoner. It was one of those things that I feel inherently connects me to Jim Morrison, without my original knowledge. Absolutely not me doing something like he did on purpose.

One thing is infinitely clear from reading what I've read so far in that book, besides the obvious geniousness that I already know. He was a total slut! But it was either John or Ray who said that he could have any woman -or even man- that he wanted. Oh, ain't it the truth, honey!

I watched Great Balls Of Fire today. It was worth viewing for writing and semi-historical purposes. Overall, the product was quite cheesy & corny but I enjoyed it. I was indeed entertained by it. I think I like it because I'm such a rock star girlfriend wannabe. Whether it's Jim or even someone as country-bumpkiny & intensely less God-like as Jerry Lee Lewis, I really couldn't resist them. Idk if it's the fame or what. I think it's probably the craziness, unpredictability and almost constant flow of cash that gets me.

So now I've been writing for like half an hour. It's 8 oclock-ish. I should stop now and get ready to go. HOPEFULLY that bitch won't "forget" to bring the computer again so I can write my guts out tomorrow: blogging it up and wicked dialoging.

Update: So I'm going to go to the library every Tuesday from now on. The books I reserved won't be there for probably another week anyway. Pfff!

Oh! I remember what that thing that relates to me was. Jim said that he wrote in some notebooks everyday when he was a teenager and then he lost them. I wrote almost every other day on a computer we used to all use that eventually became just mine but my Goddamn son of a bitch douchebag father threw it away. Jim said how badly he wished that he had kept those notebooks. I know exactly what that feels like.

Sincere Flattery

2009-09-07T03:39:00.000-07:00

As of today (September 7th) I have not yet read Lolita or anything by "Nabo," as I like to call him, so I really have to endlessly thank SparkNotes for the majority of what I know about this book.

Really analyzing Lolita, it's extremely obvious to see why Nabokov called it his "love affair with the English language." I shall quote one Mr. Rusty Spell to cleanly explain it much better than I can: "To me, Lolita isn't really one of those books that's much about plot. The plot is interesting but the parts that are really interesting are the 'literary' elements . . . " That's exacyly what I mean but it probably would have taken me a whole paragraph to say the same thing that he did in those two sentences.

Absolute best examples of the "word games" that Nabo plays through Humbert is the way he named the characters. Humbert Humbert emphasising his duality and the doppelganger aspect of the story. Vivian Darkbloom being an anagram of Vladimir Nabokov. The last name Haze, going along with how he feels bewitched by Lolita and under a "haze." Referring to Quilty as Gustav Trapp before he finds out who he really is. Shirley Holmes being an allusion to Sherlock Holmes. His first love's name of Annabel, taken from a poem by Edgar Allan Poe. John Ray Jr's initials of JRJr. If you read my post about how I named my main characters, you'll see that I did a lot of things similar to what he did. In my defense, I wrote that after I started researching Lolita but I picked most of the names at least one month before. So it's really my own unoriginality that inspired it.

While skimming through my scrambled skeleton of a screenplay, I noticed that I inadvertently do the same type of things with words that Humbert does, just on a severely less intelligent level.

In my script, I have rhyming like "guilty of killing Quilty" and foreshadowing like when Charlotte says in her confession letter that he is "worse than a kidnapper who rapes a child." A lot of the other "word games" I use are much more simple and don't have direct roots in any Nabo's work, like alliterations, parodies of band names and modified spellings.

One dynamic of my tale is the opposites attract formula being heavily exemplified by the fact that he is English and she is, of course, American. His accent, pronunciation and affinity for British slang further propels their sense of not being able to completely understand each other. Not only that but I've found it to be like a modernization of how Humbert's European sophistication combats with Lolita's Mainstream America brand of vulgarity.

Another writing method I picked up was distracting the reader. Humbert distracts the reader from what is really going on in many, MANY ways. Most prominently, how he uses beautiful words to describe horrible actions and how he diffuses the serious nature of most situations by adding random bits of humor.

Those were both easily translated into my dialogue. My main male character often uses famous song lyrics to express the very unwholesome things that he wants to do with the main female character, turning what might seem lecherous into poetic and even quite romantic. He also has the delightful tendency to make somewhat obscure pop culture references and use lines from Will Ferrell movies to "lighten the mood."

Quilty. Clare Quilty.

2009-09-05T03:14:00.000-07:00

(For the title I went with the relatively universal James Bond reference instead of my two original titles. I was going to call it All About Clare, like All About Eve but really only other movie geeks would get it. Then I thought I'd call it Qulity! Quilty! Quilty! referencing both The Brady Bunch and Judy Garland but that might lead you to believe that I want to have sex with him. Even if he wasn't a deceased fictional character, I still wouldn't want to.)

WARNING: Includes many "spoilers." Also, as of right now I have never actually read all of Lolita so some of my judgements may be unjustified or just plain ridiculous.

Ah, where to start? Since this is simply just an ode, there isn't really a beginning to start from. I guess I'll just jump right in with all my clothes on.

Clare Quilty - written by Vladimir Nabokov & Stanley Kubrick - immortalized by Peter Sellers & Frank Langella

Although certainly not the leading man or a main character, his construction is practically perfect in every way. Both a foil and a villian; a "doppleganger" if you have any idea what that means. At a glance, you'd think that all villians are foil characters simply because they do the opposite of what the hero or heroine does but that's not true. Stare at it a little longer.

Nerds who either are some sort of writer or nerds who just plain read a lot probably make of the entire population of people who know what foil characters are. If you don't then look it up on wikipedia. I won't do everything for you! Gosh! These nerds might now be thinking "Foil characters can't be dopplegangers!" Well, screw you Snooty McSmartypants. I'm saying that they can.

The greatness of Quilty lies mostly on how "same but different" he is from Humbert.

Sidenote: Since Humbert is such an unreliable narrator, did you ever stop to think that it could be like a Fight Club/Tyler Durden type of thing? Like they're both the same person.

What I don't get about him is what he motives are. Why does he feel compelled to "take" Lolita away from Humbert? It's not to keep her safe because his intentions with her are just as lechorous. The impresssion is that he just wants her for his kiddie porns, but if that's it, then why her out of anybody else? Obvious instant attraction doesn't make you follow people around the country just so you can use them in your "stag films."

Boner Jams '05

2009-09-05T00:35:00.000-07:00

I made a mixed CD in the fall of 2005 consisting entirely of my favorite songs during the summer and maybe a month or two after that. Four years later, they're still pretty much 20 of my favorite songs. Plus they bring me back like nobody's business!

#1. Beverly Hills - Weezer
#2. Hash Pipe - Weezer
#3. Take Me Out - Franz Ferdinand
#4. I Believe In A Thing Called Love - The Darkness
#5. Sugar, We're Going Down Swingin' - Fall Out Boy
#6. 96 Quite Bitter Beings - CKY (I call it 96QBB)
#7. Flesh Into Gear - CKY
#8. Shippensburg - CKY
#9. Young Hollywood - Head Automatica
#10. Beating Hearts Baby - Head Automatica
#11. Solid Gold Telephone - Head Automatica
#12. Wicked Game - HIM (possibly my most favorite song EVER)
#13. Right Here In My Arms - HIM
#14. Mr. Brightside - The Killers
#15. Smile Like You Mean It - The Killers
#16. Somebody Told Me - The Killers
#17. All These Things That I've Done - The Killers
#18. Inside Out - Eve 6
#19. You Know What They Do To Guys Like Us In Prison - My Chemical Romance
#20. I'm Not Okay - My Chemical Romance

This is utterly me when I was fifteen. When I was baking, I'd mostly listen to Marilyn Monroe songs but the rest of the time it was this stuff. Each one will eventually get their very own post but for now they have to share.

Here's that really talented lyricist and Irish impersonator!

2009-09-04T01:05:00.000-07:00

Oh Pete Doherty! How ridiculously adorable and adorably ridiculous you are.

You've heard of erotic politicians, right? Well, Jonathan Ross is my ambassador of love. His assistant of course being YouTube. He's had Russell Brand on his show at least three times and Pete Doherty at least twice.

Pete Doherty is like a heroin Paul McCartney. He's like a rock star-slash-crack baby. He's like a hobo with a heart of gold. He has a Edward Scissorhands type of vulnerability wrapped in a Sex Pistols pie topped with a small dab imitation-Frank-Sinatra whipped cream.

His singing voice isn't all that great but his lyrics are relatively deep and he sings them with lots of raw emotion. Almost the opposite of The Beatles.

I think he would be magical on screen if he could manage to show up and remember his lines.

part 1: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7VXN9TNnuBY

part 2: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r58JvdMXe30&NR

No sir, I'm not excited

2009-09-03T18:52:00.000-07:00

At this point I would really rather stay home and possibly clean out the garage for a few hours than go into San Francisco with my sister, to a Kathy Griffin show and spend the night there.

My mom says "Just go. You'll have fun." No. No, I won't fun. It's not JUST her that makes it seem like a garbage dump of a situation. If it was only her that made me not want to go, I could most likely stick it out and just go, and possibly have fun despite her being there.

I know you're thinking "Oh, it's because she doesn't want to be away from the computer." That's not it either. I don't have trouble BEING AWAY FROM the computer. I have trouble with not having access to it. Sure sounds like the same thing but its not. It's so much more of a comfort level thing rather than a reliance on technology thing. UGH! Now you're thinking that technology is completely detrimental to my comfort but that's not what I meant.

Essentially it's my sense that I'll feel trapped. I do not know how the fuck that is possible but I can already feel it. Just the thought of the whole thing makes me wanna run outside or something. SF is my town, ya know? The city where I thrive but if I'm there tomorrow I feel like I'll choke on it. What that IT is, I have no idea.

Maybe the issue is being too comfortable. Too comfortably numb at home to be able to go out anywhere else for longer than 30 to 45 minutes.

I'm pulling back and I shouldn't be pulling back. Sooner or later its going to hurt from having pulled back so much. That tiny smashed and shattered fragment of me that is still me from when I was more than fully capable of being social is already in pain. The little part of me that's still 14-years-old is REALLY REALLY hurting from this. Me now, crazy me, me the shut in, despicable lonely little me that I am now is afraid of going but completely relishes the idea of staying home. Maybe not all weekend but she sure as shit doesn't want to go to the city tomorrow night.

Why else don't I want to go? Basically because I'm not excited at all and it's causing me major anxiety. I really don't want to an actual panic attack.

Just go. You'll have fun. I won't have fun.

Update: I didn't end up going.

"shadows of the evening crawl across the years"

2009-09-01T19:33:00.000-07:00

You could probably say that I'm obsessed now but I don't really see it that way. It's more like a passion; it seems like a purpose almost.

I don't know how it happened. It was all so fast. Like one day we're referencing his fame and the next day I know all the words to at least ten of their songs.

I guess what gets me is his unattainable, indescribable raw power and pure sexuality. It shows itself in the littlest, most simple ways. The average onlooker wouldn't grasp that notion from it but I do. I do almost every time.

What he says with his eyes transcends the decades between his death and my birth. It transcends what he felt then, some 40 years ago, into what I feel now. There is no path whatsoever between our existence but it affects me in a way that makes me feel like those words and those looks were meant just for me.

Like The First Time Every Time!

2009-08-29T20:03:00.000-07:00

I'm watching 1962's Lolita. Again. This is maybe the fourth or fifth time but I bet I'll still laugh just like I'm seeing for the first time.

It was on TCM from 5 to 8. I recorded that one and deleted the previous recording of it that I had saved from July 14th. Now it's on PBS from 8 to 10:35. It's on again later at 2 to 4:35. I might watch it then too if I'm still awake.

To be honest with you, the shame in watching this is wearing off. Not completely though.

Adrian Lyne was actually right about this. It's so much more taking the tale of Lolita and making a movie with the same storyline rather than a movie version of the book.

What makes Roman Ping Pong at all Roman?

I think that Jean & John Farlow are swingers or something. They're "very broad-minded" and they had German girls living with them.

How is Lolita-sweeter at all like vista-sister?

I LOVE when (and how) he says "The Farlows have been arrested"

LOL-iage at Camp Climax! What the fuck kind of name is that for a camp? I'm pretty sure that the camp she goes to in the book is Camp Q.

I just now realized that in this version, they don't kiss before she goes to camp. I understand why they had to leave it out but that is SUCH an important moment in the book!

Actually its not Charlotte whom he calls a "brainless baba". I pretty sure he says it about his wife, Valeria.

Why doesn't Vivian Darkbloom have any lines?

Coming To A Seedy Art House Theater Near You!

2009-08-29T18:45:00.001-07:00

The screenplay that I am currently working on is a modern retelling of three stories rolled into one. Shakespeare's Romeo & Juliet, Nabokov's Lolita and unfortunately, Meyer's Twilight. The whole thing is set to the music of such artists as The Doors, Weezer, The Beatles, HIM, The Carpenters & Clare Quilty, with just a dash of Stephen Sondheim & Tanya Tucker. Although none of the aforementioned sources are all that comical, it will no doubt have my offbeat sense of humor deeply infused in every part. Hopefully kind of like the zaniness of A Hard Day's Night but with Juno's silly social commentary.

Sounds totally crazy, huh? Actually, it just sounds much too ambitious.

Update: I just realized that the three things that I'm basing most of my own work on are all things that people seem to have really strong connections with. Romeo & Juliet being an eternal benchmark of fools rushing in. Lolita having two major camps, consisting of people who either think its an abomination or people like me who cherish it. Twilight because it's a new benchmark for plain foolishness and the mega fan base it has.

I want it to be an everlasting classic. I want it to be (somewhat) controversial and taboo. I want it to have a cult-like following. I really truly honestly just want people to feel connected to it as much as I feel connected to certain films, books and ideologies. I want it to mean as much to them as it does to me. Also, I really want people to laugh and have a good time. Forget about their own lives and be entrenched in this ridiculous barrage of song lyrics, movie references and Jim Morrison quotes. A bittersweet little chunk of escapism for the 21st century.

Updated Update: I also realized that all three of these are both books and movies. Plus, I'm spicing it up & adding a picture.

"This is your brain on drugs" - fucked up but still brilliant

2009-08-26T01:01:00.000-07:00

Unfortunately, every guy (living or not) that I become enamored with subliminally forces me to learn. The earliest example being when I was 8-years-old and pretty devoted to a particular boy band. The most extreme example being in the past few months, while reading My Booky Wook. You would never believe it just by looking at him, but Russell Brand is ridiculously intelligent. It made me feel like Novalie Nation; not understanding what I've read after having to look up every word in a dictionary. Not to mention all the wicked-brainy or super-Brit things he references.

I think that Jim Morrison was much more ridiculously intelligent though. You might think of him as some drunken rock star, fucking doorknobs if they had butter on them. He was but not ALL the time! I think he was a genius but much like his penis, he never really showed it to anyone.

A lot of people are like that. They're extremely smart but for God-Knows-What reason, they end up doing tons of drugs. In a few circumstances, the drugs really fuel their creativity but ultimately it always just screws them up. It causes them to act stupid, which in turn hinders the power of their minds.

I don't think that Elvis was ever particularly knowledgeable of existentialism or anything like that but FUCK, he was talented! Drugs had the same effect on him that they did on Jim & Russell. During the later years of his career, he never became less talented. He was just taking more and more drugs so out came the capes and karate kicks. He was still a fucking great singer but his behavior turned him into kind of a joke.

Same thing with Marilyn's acting and very tragically, her appearance. Compare if you will 1952's Don't Bother To Knock to 1960's Let's Make Love. In each one there is clearly a Goddess, but the results of self-help via champagne & prescriptions from Greenson are also quite evident. Eights years apart, you say? Well then Seven Year Itch and Bus Stop! One year apart! How you like them apples?

This was supposed to be a complaint about people contradicting themselves but ended up a rant about the downside of drugs. How the hell did that happen?

Congratulations Towelhead!

2009-08-22T02:57:00.000-07:00

I already felt grossed out within the first 1 and a half minutes. Honestly that is quite an accomplishment. I thought that I had become relatively desensitized to cinematic portrayals of child molestation and pedophilia but I guess I was wrong. Kudos to you for shocking the unshockable. I shall proceed with high expectations of quality and very low expectations of morality.

The awkwardness permeates so deeply that within the first 5-ish minutes, they don't need any more exposition. I know the people, not the characters. I am fully encased in the story and there's no way I'm coming out any time soon.

This isn't acting. This is living. This isn't a movie. This is life being reflected on film and presented to us as a movie. I don't know if I should be pitied or feel ashamed but I found it to be extremely relatable. It was my life but with the social pains and humiliation magnified about 20 times.

FBA: 100 Greatest Hard Rock Songs

2009-08-21T19:04:00.000-07:00

Ronnie James Dio is rawsome for coming up with the devil horns. "Lean into it!"

Should I Stay Or Should I Go? I'd be soooo much more into The Clash if they were more . . . . . . . unheard of? I feel like I hear this song and Rock The Casbah constantly. Constantly!

Cum On Feel The Noize is so hair metal and so pathetically overrated.

More hair and more glitter does NOT make your band or your music good.

The original My Generation is cool and whatnot, yeah, for the time. If I'm ever going to get into, REALLY Get Into it, then there has to be a cover of it. A really good fucking RAWK cover. As it stands now in my mind, it's just too flat. It's very ambitious. It lacks nothing when it comes to ambition. Now that they ARE old, it's really lame.

Ambition is a killer. It can get you almost every time.

I don't like Van Halen's Hot For Teacher. Its exploitative cliche & kitsch easily surpasses 11. There's no reliance on talent. It's just show. There's no actual MUSIC at the heart and soul of the song. I don't know if the song even has a soul. The meaning of Hot For Teacher is about as deep as a paper cut.

I gotta have at least one Green Day song in my movie. It's California, they're California. It's a tribute to awesomeness, they're awesome. At least one but I don't know which one yet.

"Uncle" Ted should just shut the fuck up already! Don't fucking talk! Ever! Do not sing! Just fucking play that guitar! That is all you know how to do and that is all you should be allowed to do.

AC/DC does nothing for me. EXCEPT Back In Black. That song rox my sox.

Obviously Nirvana did something awesome for me to be listening to them now on a very regular basis while Pearl Jam doesn't even register with me.

Someone was talking about Evenflow and said "I don't know what he's saying but this is ROCK!"
Yeah, Bad Reputation is a great song but I sure as shit wore the fuck out of it when I was 10 and 11 so I'm kinda over it now. Speaking of Joan Jett, KStew is such a straight up abomination on fucking rock music history. I feel like she's taking a dump on it by being in that movie.

David Coverdale seems like a pretty fucking cool dude.

My cheese and I listened to tons of classic hard rock when we were driving around Phoenix & Surprise so when I'm watching this, I keep thinking "Oh, that song is sooo Arizona!"

Someone said that in the 80's, Billy Idol was a "modern punk rock Jim Morrison." Yeah, I guess I can kinda get what they mean. Someone else said he's like Elvis. They're pretty much the two best people you could possibly be compared to.

BREAKING NEWS!

2009-08-20T18:20:00.000-07:00

Not really breaking news. Nothing exciting. I didn't lose my virginity or get into the Guinness book for being the world's biggest fag hag. But news none-the-less:

As I was informed by WebMD, I do indeed have tinnitus. The doctor wants me to take anti-biotics. I doubt they'll work.

Today was the first time I wore the Jim Morrison shirt that I got at The SoCo Fair. (Sonoma County, not Southern Comfort) I know you're not going to believe it but no one stopped me to tell me how awesome I am for wearing it. Calm down! I know you're shocked!

I finished both movie versions of Lolita. Each ending was too sad. I can't say one was better than the other because they were both so different but I will say that Frank Langella was such a shitty Quilty.

They're not Pringles. Why can't you have just one?

2009-08-20T01:48:00.000-07:00

So according to the following blurb, Little Miss Enigma (Evan Rachel Wood) has not only a "Lolita obsession" but she has a "huge collection of heart-shaped sunglasses." Pfff!

Actress Evan Rachel Wood is so obsessed with Vladimir Nabokov's controversial novel Lolita she has a huge collection of heart-shaped sunglasses, just like the ones the author's heroine, an alluring teen temptress, wears.

Her literary love also inspired ex-lover Marilyn Manson, who penned the song Heart-Shaped Glasses in tribute to his girlfriend.

She says, "My apartment is covered with different kinds of heart-shaped glasses. My goal was to bring them back."

Oh, where to start! At the beginning, I suppose.

I know nothing of her intellect but I highly doubt that she is obsessed with the novel itself. I kind of doubt that she has ever even read the book. I know I haven't.

Even though I'm constantly writing about it and basing a copious amount of my first screenplay on it, I would not say that I am obsessed. If I was though, it would be pretty reasonable, considering that I have no life. I know for a fact that she does indeed have a life.

Huge collection? What's the point in that? You only need one pair. Maybe two back ups in case the first pair breaks, but in no way is that a huge collection. I have one pair because I only need one pair. Well, actually, I've been wanting to get white ones too. Mine are red. Ann-Margret wears white heart-shaped sunglasses in one brief scene in "The Swinger."

Ex-lover? When did they break up? I thought they were still together. Did she get too tan for him or something? Is he dating an albino bird now? (bird as in girl, not bird as in bird)

I bet I'll end up putting that song in my movie.

Different kinds? Heart-shaped glasses are pretty specific. How many different kinds are there?

Your goal WAS to bring them back? So it's not your goal anymore? Were they ever even that popular to begin with? Don't "bring them back". Making them trendy would exponentially undermine their coolness.

Worst part: " . . . . just like the ones the author's heroine, an alluring teen temptress, wears."

#1. There is mentioning of sunglasses in the book but they're just regular sunglasses shape. Their only actual connection is on the poster from 1962. No where in either Stanley Kubrick's or Adrian Lyne's "adaptations" does she wear anything remotely heart-shaped, especially on her face.

#2. It's exactly like what I said before about the media and our culture as a whole morphing Lolita into something it's not. Or perhaps something she's not. In what way is she "an alluring teen temptress"? She's 12. She's only alluring to Humbert and Quilty, whom are both pedophiles. That's so messed up that they said that because it could barely be further from the truth.

source: http://www.imdb.com/news/ni0917010/

Yes, The River Knows

2009-08-17T19:26:00.000-07:00

It wasn't until yesterday or the day before that I actually wanted to hear this song specifically. The beauty and passion of Jim Morrison's voice paired with Ray Manzarek's uncharacteristically soft piano-stylings make it ridiculously reminiscent of a lullaby to me. (You can listen to this on myspace, imeem or at thedoors.com)

"Please, believe me. The river told me. Very softly, want you to hold me.

Free fall flow, river flow. On and on it goes. Breathe under water 'til the end. Free fall flow, river flow. On and on it goes. Breathe under water 'til the end. Yes, the river knows.

Please, believe me, If you don't need me. I'm going, but I need a little time. I promised I would drown myself in masticated wine."

". . . .Won't You Tell Me Your Name?"

2009-08-17T02:32:00.000-07:00

One of the best ways to procrastinate is to find names for every single character. Another way to procrastinate is to write about what, why and how you named them. That is exactly what this post is about.

Josie Carpenter - Very simple. I immediately wanted her name to be Josie as soon as I thought up the whole idea. Then, I had to have her initials be JC, like Juliet Capulet, and coincidentally Jesus Christ. As a micro-homage, I picked Carpenter, like Karen and Richard. Also, Jesus was supposedly a carpenter so that worked out perfectly. I am completely unaware of anyone noteworthy having that same name.

Russell Martyn - For slightly obvious reasons, Russell is really the only name that I think suits him. Billy Crudup's character in Almost Famous was Russell Hammond, and needless to say, he was fucking great. Then, I had to have his initials be RM, like Romeo Montague. Also, I thought a M name would be good because it goes along with how he idolizes Jim Morrison. Like Jim Morrison, I wanted his name to be simple. Not Elvis, or Hendrix, or something really exclusive to one person. I looked up the most common M surnames and Martin was the first one.

Much to my disappointment, there are many people with that name. Being the stubborn bitch that I am, I decided to keep it but alter it a little. Replacing the i with a y is based on a two things. A micro-homage to Kevyn Aucoin and a very obvious allusion to martyr. Sidenote: I think this bodes well with the fact that I love how Frankie Avalon was "Frankie" in the Beach Party movies while Anette Funicello was "Dee Dee". (Was he not a good enough actor to respond to another name?)

Peter Perry- He is basically the Jacob Black to Russell's Edward Cullen. This one wasn't quite as easy & took me a little longer than the first two. I heard a clip of one of Russell Brand's Radio2 shows and someone, possibly Noel or Matt, said that he was a Judas. His retort is something I don't remember, about how another one of Jesus' disciples did him such and such wrong. That disciple was Peter. He is also the Clare Quilty to Russell's Humbert Humbert and who totally rox my sox in their portrayal of Clare Quilty in the original 1962 Lolita? PETER Sellers of course! Perry because this character is Russell's enemy, and we all know that Katy Perry is my enemy. Plus it's simple and ethically generic.

Charlotte Carpenter - Being Josie's aunt, the last name was the easiest. Since her hair is blond and curled to perfection, I thought it would be cute for her to have double initials, a'la Marilyn Monroe or that skeezy slag Jenna Jameson. Randomly thinking of C names, Charlotte popped up and it sounded good with Carpenter. Also, she's the CHARLIE Swan to Josie's Bella Swan; the very gullible "unfit parent" type, thinking that she's protecting her but not really, if at all. I read somewhere that Charlotte is the female version of Charlie. Coincidence: I gave her this name at least two months before I knew that Lolita's mother's name was Charlotte.

Kirk Rockwell - Essentially the Mercutio to Russell's Romeo. Being the band's "guitarist", I wanted his name to have strong connotations with actual guitar players. First two I thought of: Kurt Cobain of Nirvana and Robby Krieger of The Doors. Having him be a guitar-playing-Kurt was just a tad bit too obvious but I still wanted it to be one syllable, start with a K and sound like the name of a guy who's a total douche. I originally thought of Keith but that was a little too common. Keith Moon, Keith Richards, even Keith Urban and Toby Keith. Researching names, I came upon "Kirk" (like Captain Kirk on Star Trek) and that has all kinds of connotations, including douchebaggery. Coincidence: There is a bar in San Francisco called "Bacchus Kirk". How perfect is that? Another Coincidence: That kid called Kirk on the board of shamen on the Mighty Boosh. Not only is he a vehicular menace but an erotic adventurer of the most deranged kind.

Then I noticed that if you flip Robby Krieger's initials then they are that of Keith Richards, guitar player of The Rolling Stones. Kirk being basically a foil character, he is very American. Free associating American things, I thought of Norman Rockwell. Not only very American but also that type of Charles Dickens literal names like Russell Brand mentions in My Booky Wook. Rockwell is perfect for a Dickensian guitar player, being that he rocks well by name and by reputation, like Felicity Shagwell. Coincidence: I'm pretty sure that the high school Jane & Angela go to American Beauty is Rockwell, but I didn't find that out until at least 6 weeks after I gave my character this name.

Kortnee Brown - A hybrid of different characters in relation to the others. Started with randomly thinking that her name should be Courtney, because it sounds so stupid and shallow to me. Then, I thought "Oh, if I'm kind of implying that Kirk is like Kurt Cobain than she would be Courtney Love. Well, her name is already Courtney but she can spell it weird as to make it just a tad less obvious". Going along with a Courtney Love theme, I thought of other "Rock Star Wives & Girlfriends". One of the best of them is Bobbie Jean Brown and her magical pie catching Who-Ha. Also there's that song "Mrs. Brown, You've Got A Lovely Daughter."